20 Life Lessons From Jack Donaghy
By JACKIE WILLIS
January 30, 2013
He's the man that taught us that tuxedos are to be worn after 6 p.m., and that there are no bad ideas but only "great ideas that go horribly wrong." After seven seasons as the suited-up GE boss Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon's mentor will be giving his last bit of witty wisdom when the show airs its series finale on Thursday, Jan. 31. In lead-up to this ending, here are 20 life lessons from Jackie D. to take with you long after the show's over:
1. Never go with a hippie to a second location.
2. The secret to a strong, healthy head of hair is dove blood.
3. The Italians have a saying, Lemon. 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct.
4. I have faith in things I can see and buy and deregulate.
5. If you make enough money, you can pay people to look at you naked.
6. Rich 50 is middle class 38.
7. There are no bad ideas Lemon, only great ideas that go horribly wrong.
8. What do people not want to talk about? Soccer, jazz, infidelity.
9. You have to stuff your heart with steel wool and tin foil. You must be ruthless, you must be absolute. Remember always you are the exterminator, say it!
10. You'll do fine as long as you follow my Three Ds: Discretion, Docility, and Don't Use My Bathroom.
11. I didn't get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by being bad at business.
12. I say we hire the one who lives by the code of the robot: Care. Love. Live.
13. In my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.
14. Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?
15. I never sleep on planes. I don't wanna get 'incepted.'
16. Maybe we could make even more money by pretending to be nice. I mean, look at Betty White.
17. Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French or kissing after sex.
18. I can see someone got to first base, which is what I consider sex with a stranger.
19. Lesson number one: you don't need anyone. Sure, Josh tests well with female viewers 12 to 24, which is important to advertisers because young women will buy just about anything.
20. Well, it's business drunk, it's like rich drunk. Either way, it's legal to drive.
What's your favorite Jack Donaghy one-liner? Let us know, below.