We've got a very bad feeling about this.
Reports surfaced earlier this morning that Tom Cruise had approached director J.J. Abrams to discuss the possibility of a cameo appearance in the upcoming Star Wars installment. Luckily, the entire fandom breathed a collective sigh of relief when a rep for the Edge of Tomorrow star revealed to ET Canada that there is absolutely 'no truth' to the rumors.
However, we'll admit that for a brief moment, our Star Wars-loving minds were laced with panic. We're not interested in big-named stunt-casting when it comes to Episode VII. We want captivating actors who will use the force to give us a movie we can be proud to love. (None of that Episode I nonsense, you guys).
So we're taking a stand, right here and now, with a list of A-list actors that we absolutely do not want to see in Star Wars newest big screen adventure. We figure if we put our wishes out into the galaxy right away, then the force will keep these famous faces out of the Mos Eisley Cantina.
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Kristen Stewart: We were forced to suffer through Stewart's abhorrent stammering and incessant lip-biting in all four of the Twilight movies, do we really want to see her ruin another beloved saga? Don’t get us wrong, we're not saying that Stewart's Bella was bad (and word on the street is that she delivered an out-of-this-world performance in the Cannes darling Clouds of Sils Maria) but we're certainly not saying that she should be given a lightsaber anytime soon. Or ever.
Gwyneth Paltrow: Sorry Gwyneth, the only GOOP we want to see in Star Wars is dripping off of Jabba the Hut. The Iron Man actress is no stranger to big screen action, but we’ll pass on seeing Pepper Potts in space.
James Franco: He may have played an Alien in Spring Breakers – but Franco does not belong in a galaxy far, far away. (Well, maybe he does. But that's an argument for another day.) His resume is eclectic, to say the least, and he does have his moments ("not many, but he has them"), but a Skywalker he is not.
Shia LaBeouf: Even though LeBeouf has declared that he is "not famous anymore," we still wanted to put him on our list just in case he ever decided to come out of his bizarre, #IAMSORRY exhibit-filled retirement, and wanted to travel into deep space. There are plenty of reasons as to why we do not want LeBeouf to infect the Star Wars realm, but we'll just remind you of one of the worst big screen blunders in franchise history: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
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Nicolas Cage: We've already seen what Cage can do when bestowed with powers in The Sorcerer's Apprentice, so needless to say, we really don't want to see what he would do with the Force. Plus, he's in everything. Seriously, Nick—you don't have to say yes to absolutely every movie you're pitched.
Ben Affleck: Hellooo, Bat-fleck haters. It may be too late for you (and hey, he does look pretty good as the Caped Crusader after all), but we're gonna go ahead and say that the force is not with this guy.
Anne Hathaway: A Star Wars musical? Well, Hathaway could be your girl. But no, this is Star Wars and frankly, after 2013's disastrous—and yet, wildly successful —awards season campaign, the last thing Hathaway needs is more Internet haters. (We all know you Jedi's are a tough crowd.)