Hollywood heavyweight Sylvester Stallone turns 68 today, June 6, and he still looks like he could kill anyone he wanted with one hand tied behind is back - and his other hand inside a hungry crocodile.
What some may not know is that Stallone has had a prolific career as a screenwriter in addition to his acting career. He got nominated for his script for Rocky in 1976 right alongside his Best Actor nomination. He's also written all the Rambo films – including the acclaimed one, First Blood – and all of his Expendable films, not to mention several others.
One common thread that Stallone loves is giving his characters some crazy names. In celebration of the beloved action star's 68th birthday, let's take a look at some of the bonkers names he's given characters in his films.
Lee Christmas (Jason Statham- The Expendables)
How exactly are you supposed to take a man named Lee Christmas seriously? Oh, right, he looks like Jason Statham and he can drop kick you into next week. Good casting, sir.
Yin Yang (Jet Li- The Expendables)
Now, this seems like its borderline offensive. Sure Jet Li is Chinese, but… if The Expendables had an HR department and that was the nickname given to an Asian employee, it feels like someone might be getting called in for a disciplinary hearing.
Hale Caesar (Terry Crews- The Expendables)
Now he's just naming characters after famous phrases. That being said, if Terry Crews told us to hail him as a king, we probably would.
Toll Road (Randy Couture- The Expendables)
We're not sure if this is a nickname, or if the character's parents were just really mean. It's not even intimidating. No one likes toll roads, but no one is afraid of them either.
Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson – The Expendables 3)
Sometimes, when you need to make sure people know who the villain is, you give them a name like this. No one good has ever had a name like Conrad Stonebanks. It's screenwriting 101.
Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers)
One of the best boxing names of all time. The sports world needs more Apollos.
Thunderlips (Hulk Hogan – Rocky III)
It might seem crazy, but just think of Hulk Hogan. It kind of makes too much sense.
Clubber Lang (Mr. T – Rocky III)
I guess when the actor's name is Mr. T it's not really possible for the character name to seem too crazy.
Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren – Rocky IV)
If any actor on the planet could actually have the name Ivan Drago it would be mid-80s Dolph Lundgren. Rocky IV single-handedly provided that catalyst for the end of the Cold War.
Tommy 'Machine' Gunn (Tommy Morrison – Rocky V)
If your name is Tommy Gunn, do you really need to add the "machine" into you name?
Mason 'The Line' Dixon (Antonio Tarver – Rocky Balboa)
Again, like Yin Yang, this feels like it's edging the cliff of full-on racism, but our favorite part is the "The Line" nickname. It doesn't even make sense as a nickname if the African American boxer's name wasn't also the line that separated the North from the South before the Civil War. What would "The Line" even mean in a boxing context?
OVER THE TOP
Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone)
In Stallone's "iconic" arm wrestling movie – it's not hard to be an icon of a genre containing basically one film – he plays Lincoln Hawk, named after the country's greatest president and one of the country's fastest predatory birds. Clearly, this man was born to be an arm-wrestling cross country trucker.
What's your favorite name from Sly Stallone's films?
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