Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is marketed as a children’s movie, but it is NOT a children’s movie. It is a horror movie that children watch that scars them for life.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of Charlie entering that forsaken Chocolate Factory. In print, at least, the movie came out seven years later in 1971—but seeing as the book is what inspired the movie adaptation, it’s safe to say it is responsible for all of this.
Do you remember Willy Wonka as an inspiring, feel-good family film? Clearly you blocked out these 7 moments (which, truth be told, is probably for the best. Read on at your own risk):
1. The Boat Ride: Let’s get this out of the way right away, because it’s obviously the most horrific scene in this movie and probably any movie ever. Willy Wonka takes his visitors on a boat ride through what starts off as a pitch black tunnel but turns into a psychedelic acid trip with visions of leaches crawling over people’s eyes and chickens getting murdered, or something. We don’t know. We close our eyes. And then Willy Wonka just starts YELLING at everyone? The worst.
2. Where Augustus Gloop Goes: You’d think if you have a chocolate river running through your factory you would have some sort of safety precautions, like an Oompa Loompa lifeguard or a flotation device on hand. But when Augustus falls in, Willy just sits back and chills, eating candy and watching him basically drown. Then he gets SUCKED up a PIPE that is headed towards the Fudge Room (best case scenario) or the boiler room (uhh, worst case scenario?)
3. Rolling Violet Beauregarde: Violet ballooning into a blueberry is hardly the worst thing to happen in this movie. And when Willy says she has to be taken to the Juicing Room to be squeezed or she’ll explode, we can get onboard with that. At least he’s doing something proactive to not let a CHILD DIE IN HIS FACTORY. But the way those Oompa Loompas roll her away? So rough! So ruthless! It’s enough to make you never eat gum again, or ever let another human touch you.
4. Veruca Salt Is One Bad Egg: Veruca Salt was kind of a bitch so watching her fall down a garbage shoot after screeching for minutes on end about how she “wants it now” was kind of like, "You had it coming! Bye, Felicia!" But then Willy casually mentions the shoot goes to the furnace? As in she’s going to burn alive? How is that OK in a children’s movie?
5. Fizzy Lifting Right Into a Fan: Charlie and Grandpa Joe sneak off to sip on some of Wonka’s new Fizzy Lifting Drink, which is not the most brilliant idea considering points 1 through 4 above. But anyway, they drink the Fizzy Lifting Drink and start flying, more or less. Flying right towards a giant ceiling fan. We’re supposed to laugh when they realize that burping allows them to descend, but that is seriously #toosoon to start making jokes. Getting chopped up by an industrial fan would honestly be one of our least favorite ways to die.
6. Willy Wonka After the First 5 Seconds of the Movie: Just everything about him is an absolute nightmare. First of all, he’s a maniac that has no business being around children. He spends half the movie yelling at people or manipulating scenarios so that they die(?). This is an unstable human being. Can you imagine the lawsuits the Gloops and the Beauregards would file after their tour? How has his factory not been closed down yet?
7. The Wonkavator: The awe-inspiring end of the movie. Or more of the same Hell. The Wonkavator is an elevator that goes sideways, slantways, backways, and any other ways you’d want (or not want). Including right out of the roof of the factory. First of all, the roof is made of glass, and they almost die (again) crashing through it. And then it’s just floating over the town? How? That seems dangerous.
The movie ends with Charlie inheriting the factory, but why would anyone want it at this point? Why would anyone want to live the rest of their life in a nightmare factory?! We’ll never know.