"Let's get down to business!"
Disney is developing a live action version of the 1998 classic film Mulan, about a young woman in ancient China who disguises herself as a man in order to go to war in place of her father. The movie will be produced by Chris Bender and J.C. Spink from We're The Millers, and the script was purchased from Elizabeth Martin and Lauren Hynek.
Mulan live action sounds like a brilliant idea with a strong female heroine, and on the heels of Maleficient, and Cinderella, Disney is having a lot of success in the area. We just hope they don't take this success and go crazy with it, green-lighting all live action everything.
Oh who are we kidding, it's already begun. But anyway, here are the six Disney classics we least want to see given the live action treatment.
6. Beauty and the Beast
This is one that is already in the works, and to be fair, they've cast Emma Watson as Belle, so we are pretty much on board. We just have this gnawing sense that having a horrific beast thing as one of the two main characters for the majority of the movie's run time might be a little weird.
But we are welcome to being proven wrong, Disney!
5. The Fox and the Hound
While this movie is amazing, a live action version seems like it would rely pretty heavily on a dog talking to a fox which when not animated seems pretty silly. Plus, even if that is what we wanted -- and if Snow Dogs is any indication -- when Disney promises you talking dogs, they have no problem under-delivering.
A Tim Burton directed live action Dumbo movie is actually already in the works, and we are still trying to figure out why. Forgive us for thinking a real life elephant flapping it's big ears around just won't be as cute.
Actually we may be wrong about that. But let's not forget, everyone now agrees that they don’t want to see elephant in circuses (even the circuses!)…
Disney made the right call turning down what would become the 1996 version of this called The Adventures of Pinocchio because it was (WARNING!) goddamn scary.
AAAAHHHHHH! If you were smart enough not to watch that, the "cute" emotional final line is "How about carving me a girlfriend?" which you might notice as six words that should NEVER BE SPOKEN in any context.
Could they do a better job today? Probably, but it's just too freaky to take the chance. We can't let this one happen again.
2. The Little Mermaid
You know what else is really creepy? Live action mermaids. And if you've ever been "under the sea" in real life, you'll note that it's so terrifying, millions of years ago, organisms sprouted legs and gained the ability to breathe just to desperately run away from it screaming.
Some things are better off as cartoons Disney. The cold, uncaring deep blue is one of them.
Don't do this to us, Disney!! Please, don't do it. Please don't shoot a real deer in front of our children. We know that it is well within your basically infinite power to do so, but we really can't handle crying forever and you already did it to us in 2-D. Please Disney, be decent. Think of the children.
Or just keep mining your timeless classic films until nothing whatsoever remains. We promise to watch.
Why do Disney characters rarely have moms? Watch the video below.