We should have expected this, but still: Please don’t remake The Craft, please don’t remake The Craft, please don’t remake The Craft, please don’t remake The Craft.
Something Wiccan is apparently this way coming...again, as The Hollywood Reporter claims Sony has enlisted Indie horror movie director Leigh Janiak (Honeymoon) to co-write and direct a remake of the 1996 (oc)cult classic.
(We love that an up-and-coming female director is finding work, but Janiak also directed an episode of MTV’s upcoming Scream show, so apparently she doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.)
Suffice it to say, people are not pleased:
PETITION TO STOP THE CRAFT REMAKE— Mando (@Armand_oh) May 14, 2015
no No NO! You are NOT ALLOWED to remake The Craft.— Anna (@PunkieB) May 14, 2015
"Hey, what cult classic should we ruin with a remake next?" "How about The Craft?" "PERFECT." NO. NO NO NO NO NO. BAD HOLLYWOOD.— Nintendo Tits (@nuttytangents) May 14, 2015
If they want to make more money off a fan favorite and introduce it to a new generation of viewers, can’t the just re-release The Craft in theaters? And if Hollywood wants to bank off our collective love for witches by revisiting an old coven, can’t we get that Hocus Pocus 2 movie we’ve been asking for instead?
Ugh, but if they’re going to remake this whether we object or not -- and they will -- we have a few suggestions for which actresses could fill Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Rachel True and Neve Campbell’s iconic boots.
Brie Larson as Sarah Bailey (originally played by Robin Tunney)
If they’re redoing a ‘90s movie, they have to play by ‘90s rules: 20-somethings playing high schoolers. Larson is one of the most talented actresses we know -- case in point: her turn in Short Term 12 -- and hasn’t gotten the lead roles she deserves. They kind of look alike too.
Juno Temple as Nancy Downs (originally played by Fairuza Balk)
No one can top Fairuza Balk’s take on Nancy -- literally, no one -- but we’d love to see Temple try. She’s got a dark and twisted side to her that we think could work for the role.
Mackenzie Davis as Bonnie (originally played by Neve Campbell)
You might know Davis from AMC’s Halt and Catch Fire, but likely you recognize her from supporting roles in That Awkward Moment and What If. She has that perfect mix of vulnerable and confident to play both of Bonnie’s extremes.
Kiersey Clemons as Rochelle (Originally played by Rachel True)
Clemons is an up-and-commer who has appeared on Transparent and New Girl, but is waiting for that big screen break. Which she may have already gotten with Sundance hit Dope, but something more mainstream wouldn’t hurt either.
Or if they want to go a little younger, round up Kiernan Shipka (as Sarah), Maude Apatow (as Bonnie), Amandla Stenberg (as Rochelle), and Tavi Gevinson (showing us a truly different side to herself as Nancy). They’re already friends anyway.
Ugh again. At least make sure Fairuza gets a cameo in this. As Lirio, perhaps?
Speaking of remakes that should never happen, Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy share their thoughts about rebooting The Breakfast Club: