Beyoncé is a mystery wrapped in a question mark wrapped in a bedazzled leotard and standing in front of a giant fan that perfectly blows her perfect hair perfectly just so. The year may be ending, but we have some questions for Bey. Like...
1. What actually caused Solange and Jay Z’s elevator brawl? Hands down, the biggest WTF moment of the year was when surveillance footage surfaced showing Solange laying the smack down on Jay in an elevator after the Met Gala. But why? The only explanation we got was from Bey on her “Flawless” remix: “Of course sometimes s--t go down when there’s a billion dollars on an elevator.”
2. Why did Solange delete all the pictures of Beyoncé off her Instagram? After the Met Gala, Solange deleted all but one picture of her sister from her Instagram. She eventually uploaded more, but was she mad at B? Did they get in a fight after the elevator ordeal? Or before it?
3. Was Jay and Bey’s relationship ever really in trouble? Where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire and 2014 was the year everyone was convinced that ’03 Bonnie & Clyde were going to announce their divorce. There were rumors of affairs and arguments, meetings with money managers and new apartments. Then...nothing happened. Beyoncé’s dad says they faked it for attention. Miss Tina says, “Haters gonna be haters and there’s nothing we can do about that.”
4. If not, why did she change the lyrics to “Resentment” during the On The Run show? During their tour, Bey would change the lyrics from "Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve/ To be treated this way by you," to “twelve years.” Oddly specific. Also, "I'll always remember feeling like I was no good / Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could" became "I'll always remember feeling like I was no good / Like I couldn't do it for you like that whack bitch could." And why did she even perform “Resentment”? No one asked for “Resentment.” We wanted “XO”!
5. Does Beyoncé photoshop her Instagram pictures? And if so, why? She is literally the human manifestation of perfection (not to shame any other ladies, you’re all beautiful too, in your own way). Follow-up question: Who is photoshopping thigh gaps onto Bey? Is she sitting at her laptop, manning the Adobe blur tool herself, or does she have a person for that?
6. What was with those bangs? Seriously, what were those bangs?
7. Were there ever plans to drop another surprise album this year? For a while, rumor had it that B was planning another unannounced album drop. A tracklist that was too good to be true ended up being just that, and instead we got two new tracks and a few remixes. But Internet fact checking confirms some other Bey titles that were thrown around. When do we get those songs?!
8. When will we get a full album of Beyoncé-Nicki collaborations? Jay and Kanye West have Watch the Throne and after the “Flawless” remix and “Feelin’ Myself” (a new team up on Nicki’s The Pinkprint), we want — nay, we need — an entire album of hot, bad bitch only anthems from these two. Make it so, world.
9. Why is Beyoncé associating herself with Fifty Shades of Grey? The new version of “Crazy in Love” in the Fifty Shades trailer really came out of left field, huh? We know Mrs. Carter is all about being a mom and being sexual, but how did they enlist her to lead the soundtrack for a film about S&M? Dreamgirls and Austin Powers in Goldmember this is not.
10. Remember when Beyoncé went to the Nets game and there was that video of her just kind of zoned out, swaying back and forth to nothing? Yeah, what was going on there?
11. What did Beyoncé and Kate Middleton talk about when they met? We have a few theories (how amazing Beyoncé is, how amazing Beyoncé’s hair is), but when two sets of royals meet, we want an exact transcript.
12. When did Beyoncé and Taylor Swift become friends? And what do they talk about? Bey and Jay randomly popped up at Taylor’s birthday party this year, and then a few days later, Bey and Tay were seen dancing together at a Justin Timberlake concert. Did we miss something?!
13. Lastly: How does she stay so flawless? Year after year, Beyoncé, Yonce, Bey, Queen B, Mrs. Carter, the One True Supreme, slays us. Her music only gets better. Her performances only get more perfect. How! How is that possible!
If Beyoncé wanted us to know, we would already know.
Now watch Beyoncé bare her soul in her latest short film, Yours and Mine: