Mommy blogger and former TV host Vanessa Lachey is admitting that after welcoming her and husband Nick's beautiful baby boy Camden into the world, she caught a case of the "baby blues" that left her feeling "lost, unloved, alone and at my wits end."
"I remember that first night in the hospital, after 14 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, how it was ALL worth it," Vanessa, 32, recalls on her website
. "I couldn't understand how anyone could ever feel anything less than this enormous amount of pure love!"
However, she soon found out that motherhood isn't so easy. The TV personality revealed that she beat herself up over missing a feeding: "I was screaming at myself. ...'Why did my maternal instinct not kick in and wake myself to feed him?' ...Tears were rolling down my cheeks. My hopes and dreams of being the perfect mother were shattered."
Not only that but the new mom admits that she wasn't enjoying the time she was spending with her son. "I was sick of feeling like a milk machine."
Since these breakdowns, Vanessa has a whole new outlook on motherhood. "It's okay if we can't do it ALL. There is no Camden without me. ...And I want him to see the best of me in hopes that he can grow up to be an amazing, wonderful happy man who finds his own me in himself."
She adds: "That's what family and life is all about. Being whole with yourself, to be the best you for everyone else."