Country superstar Carrie Underwood gets surprisingly candid about her non "mushy" personality in her Marie Claire
June cover interview, in which she admits she's isn't exactly the warmest star.
"I'm not a mushy person at all. We were never a huggy family. Or a 'let's talk it out' family. Technically I have siblings but they are quite a bit older than me – I was the accident – so I have the only-child syndrome going on," she admits. "I'm a little more selfish, a little more independent, a little closed. I do wish I were softer. I wish I were able to form relationships better. But hey, I mean…I'm not a sociopath."
Underwood also reveals that performing in front of crowds used to give her serious panic attacks.
"At the beginning of my career, I used to have panic attacks. People were touching me, screaming – it made me really nervous. In public, I just get nervous. It's a physical reaction, feeling like the walls are closing in," she says. "The fans are great. It's not their fault. I don’t ever want to come across as ungrateful. But on my end, it is hard for me to process. Because I am still just me."
But since as far back as high school, the 30-year-old American Idol champ always knew she was destined for a charmed life.
"You were supposed to say what you would be doing in 10 years, and I said, 'I will be rich, famous, and married to a hot guy,'" says Underwood, who is married to hockey star Mike Fisher, about what she wrote in her high school yearbook. "I guess I should have added a few more things."
And are children a part of this list?
Definitely not right now.
"I don't feel old enough to have kids," she says. "I know I am mature. But being responsible for another human?"
Marie Claire's June issue hits news stands May 21st.