How philosophical are you ready to bee?
Blake Lively had a birthday this week, and also suffered a bee attack that caused some, like, super esoteric thoughts.
Luckily for us, she took the time to write about the intensely moving experience on her lifestyle website, Preserve, and we decided to break down all of her poignant, weighty thoughts.
This might sting.
1."I felt an electric shock of energy-- was it excitement that I was about to turn another year older? Was it nerves? Why did it feel like agony? I like getting older... I think."
I think you were stung by a bee, Blake Lively.
2. "But this felt terrible. Does your butt quite suddenly (and painfully) deflate when you turn 27?"
Blake Lively, this isn't at all indicative of aging, you were STUNG by a BEE!
3. "I felt like the Wicked Witch, melting, melting, burning, melting."
I don't even know what to make of this.
4. "As it happens, I wasn't being greeted by the onset of spontaneous aging, but rather a full-fledged bee day."
Yes, this is basically what happened. Also, bee-day is a sort of "birthday" mixed with "bee" pun. Very clever.
5. "I don't know enough about insects to say if they were wasps, honeybees or Mother Nature's miniature flying tasers. "
Probably the third thing.
6. "Now, I was a Monty Python sketch; running at top speed in no particular direction, whipping my arms and hands around like I’d just discovered they were growing out of my shoulders without my previous knowledge."
7. "There was a terrible sound piercing the air too… I was later informed this sound had emanated from my very own mouth. I’d prefer to never hear it again."
Just to recap: Blake Lively was stung by a bee, and it was so deeply disconcerting that she lost the ability to identify her own voice.
8. Along with everybody else on the East Coast.
This means she screamed and she was LOUD.
9. "I was shaken. I was swollen. I had to stop what I was doing to recuperate and/or shrink."
Reminder: She was stung by a bee.
10. "I looked for the nearest vanilla cake and decorated it. Step one of therapy complete."
This is not what therapy is.
11. "My butt will deflate more and more, my hands will shrivel and permanently prune, but I will never, ever grow up."
There's that moral we've been waiting for!
12. "Each day I choose my age. Today it’s 27, going on 2."
13. "How old will you bee today?"
Call every historian you know. This is the best thing that has ever been printed.
We love you, Blake Lively!
Fun fact about Blake Lively, she has a super hot brother. Watch the video below to see more celebrities with attractive male siblings.
You might also like
WHAT: You'll Never Believe Who Is Talking About Ben Affleck's Private Parts
Kris Jenner Celebrates Birthday at Disneyland in a Onesie
How Oprah Celebrated Her Previous Milestone B-days
David and Victoria Beckham's Son Romeo Shows Off Dance Moves in Burberry Ads
The 13 Stages of Being Addicted to 'Serial'
'Zankie' Reunites at Frankie Grande's 'Rock of Ages' Debut - EXCLUSIVE VIDEO
Nicki Minaj Spoofs Beyonce on 'SNL'