Madonna's Sexy Calendar Tease Raises A Number Of Confounding Questions

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Have you been waiting with bated breath for the release of the 2015 Madonna calendar? Well, the pop icon gave us all a teaser today when she posted this rather suggestive photo to Instagram with the caption, "Poppin Bottles......See for yourself in my new calendar on madonna.com! Pre order now! #bitchimmadonna."
The calendar, sold on her official website, is a 16-month calendar with exclusive and sexy pics by big name photographers, and it retails for $14.99.
While the sexy, 56-year-old music legend has been putting out calendars since the mid-80s, and she's never shied away from posting provocative pics, this post does raise a few questions…
- Is she trying to be dirty and suggestive, or is it possible she just straight up doesn't know how bottles work?
- Why is she in what appears to be a thick winter coat and wearing pleather gloves? Is she shooting this calendar in the middle of Moscow during the snow season? Maybe it's the December picture.
- Is soda what people are referring to when they use the term "poppin' bottles?"
- In regards to the caption's hashtag, who is she arguing with as to the validity of her claim to be Madonna?
- Are there UNofficial Madonna calendars?
- Who uses calendars when phones and computers are things?
- Is that soda in the bottle? It looks impossibly dark. Perhaps it's the black alien oil from Prometheus. Could this be a viral-advertising cross-over with the upcoming Prometheus sequel? Does this prove that Madonna will be making her triumphant return to cinema starring in Ridley Scott's Prometheus 2: Prometheus Harder?
- … So now that I pre-ordered, when do I get the calendar. I mean, obviously I pre-ordered. Come on, it's Madonna. How else can I get high-quality photos of Madonna? Some sort of web of interconnected information servers? Where do you think you live, the future?
Check out the video below for her revealing interview with ET Canada in which she talks about her "love/hate relationship" with her body.