Halloween is over – we hope you followed our rules. If you did, we already know you had a great Halloween, maybe the best Halloween ever, but we digress…
Halloween is over, yes, but that DOES NOT MEAN IT’S CHRISTMAS. If you are already doing any of the below, CALM DOWN. It is not even Thanksgiving yet. You are getting into the holiday spirit too damn early!
So please, hold off on doing any of these until at least December 1:
1. Buy a Tree: Are they even selling Christmas trees yet?! It is too early to buy a (real) Christmas tree. It will be dead before December 25 anyway. And it is too early to put up your fake Christmas tree. You do not need a Christmas tree distracting from your chic Thanksgiving décor.
2. Put Up Decorations: Inside or outside. No wreaths. No stockings. No tinsel, no mistletoe, no holly. No life size manger in your front yard. No little winter village with a working train and working lights. If you need to decorate, draw some handprint turkeys.
3. Listen to Christmas Music (as Your Main Source of Music): If you want to listen to “Jingle Bells” once or twice, fine. But you shouldn’t be doing 24/7 holiday music yet. Turn your Beyoncé back on, there will be plenty of time for Christmas music once Thanksgiving is over. Same goes for Christmas movies.
4. Sing Christmas Carols: Considering what we just told you, this one should go without saying. Because by singing Christmas music, you are not only breaking no. 4 (see above) for yourself, but forcing those around you to break it too. Don’t sing. Don’t hum. Don’t even tweet the lyrics. Yet.
5. Bake Christmas Cookies: Just like birthday cake is the most delicious kind of cake, Christmas cookies are the most delicious kind of cookies. But they must wait. If you start eating Christmas cookies now, it will just make the wait till actual Christmas seem that much longer.
6. Order Peppermint Mochas at Starbucks: You were all so excited about Pumpkin Spice Lattes a second ago! You don’t have to give them up yet! We’re still technically in fun, flirty fall aka THE season of pumpkin spice! Get another PSL, girl! There’s no reason to switch to Sbux red cups until they make you.
7. Gratuitously Add Peppermint to Anything: Like your coffee, the rest of your diet does not need to be pepperminted for another few weeks. And this is coming from someone who considers peppermint bark a major food group. We want peppermint all the time, but we are not monsters. We know that there is a time and a place. AND NO CANDY CANES.
8. Start Wearing Green and Red Clothing: Psst, fashion tip! Everyone pay attention! Red and green do not go together! Except at Christmas time, when we ignore style in lieu of holiday cheer. But if you bust out your red, velvet dress with the white, fur fringe and bell accessories, people will think you are crazy. Also, that you murdered Mrs. Claus and stole her wardrobe.
9. Get Christmas-Inspired Nail Art: As said above, so is below. By the time December rolls around, your friends will be double tapping the heck out of your #NailArt #NoFilter #iLUVchristmas Instas. But don’t let your manicurist talk you into tiny little reindeer too soon. It’s not trending.
10. Secret Santa: You know when the best time to assign your family’s Secret Santas is? At Thanksgiving dinner. And with your office mates? That Monday after Thanksgiving dinner. And your friends? Doesn’t matter, just not yet. No one needs the pressure of picking out that Secret Santa gift a whole two months before it’s due. Let them finish their regulation Christmas shopping first.
11. Start Counting Down to Christmas: Can’t Thanksgiving get a little respect? Where’s the countdown for Turkey Day?! How rude of you. How rude of you all.
But you CAN listen to what Bill Murray has to say about his Christmas special: