Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Martha Stewart: Whose Dessert Diss Tastes Best? We Baked Both to Find Out!

by John Boone 4:14 PM PST, November 25, 2014
Photo: Getty Images

Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Martha Stewart may be the least gangsta beef ever, but at least it’s delicious for the rest of us?

It all started when Martha said of Gwyneth: "She just needs to be quiet. She's a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn't be trying to be Martha Stewart."

To which Gwyneth joked, "No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I'm shocked and devastated. I'll try to recover. [But] if I'm really honest, I'm so psyched that she sees us as competition. I really am."

NEWS: This is how much Gwyneth’s entire Goop gift guide would cost!

Then things got personal culinary:

Photo: goop

Martha published a recipe called “Conscious Coupling” in the November issue of Martha Stewart Living, which mocked Gwyneth’s “conscious uncoupling” with ex Chris Martin.

In response, Gwyneth showcased a recipe called “Jailbird Cake” on Goop. Remember when Martha went to jail in 2004 for insider trading? Gwyneth does. But which diss track of a dessert is best? We enlisted two ETonline bakers to find out.

WATCH: Gwyneth and Britney Spears read mean tweets on Kimmel


Meredith Kile, #TeamMartha: “Martha's Conscious Coupling pie intimidated me at first, because I had never worked with phyllo dough, but it turned out to be a fairly simple and tasty take on a French Silk Pie. Martha's insider tips on using a double boiler method to melt the chocolate for the filling lead to silky smooth mousse that was delicious with fresh whipped cream and chocolate shavings on top. The melted chocolate spread over the bottom crust perfectly completed the conscious flavor coupling.

“Ultimately the pie tasted delicious, but the phyllo dough that made such a pretty presentation was a crumbly nightmare to serve. However, the recipe wasn't stolen right off the back of a Nabisco box, so I'm pretty sure Martha still wins this one.”


Jen Cady, #TeamGoop: “Gwyneth’s Jailbird Cake was maybe one of the easiest things I’ve ever not baked. All you have to do is whip some cream, buy some chocolate wafers and assemble. I did, however, notice that the recipe on the back of the Nabisco Famous Chocolate Wafers was the exact same as Goop’s. This disappointed me and I had to make a conscious decision to uncouple from that fact.

“Appearance-wise, it’s pretty basic, just a white log with jail bars once you cut into it. But it does taste like heaven — which to me, is cookies and cream (and sometimes mint chocolate chip ice cream or pizza, just depends). A pie is always going to be more impressive looking, but I’m going to have to say Gwyneth wins this round between the shady domestic queens.”

NEWS: Martha disses Blake Lively too, calls her lifestyle blog ‘stupid’

And the winner is... Martha’s Conscious Coupling pie! With nearly 3/4 of the votes, the ET office preferred Martha’s luxurious mix of textures (on what ultimately is just a French silk pie) to Gwyneth’s light and airy dessert (from the back of a name-brand cookie box). Which is all to say: If all it takes to be a lifestyle guru is a couple recycled recipes and a few bitchy comments, sign us up!

Here’s an early #TBT to ET’s first interview with Gwyneth Paltrow in 1992: