There’s really only one requirement to be in a sorority: Spanx. And makeup! YOU BETTER BE WEARING MAKEUP OR WE WILL PUT MAKEUP ON YOU OURSELVES BEFORE WE RUIN YOUR LIFE.
Jezebel leaked an email from the Alpha Chi Omega chapter at University of Southern California titled “Personal Development/Recruitment Info,” but mostly it’s just a list of all the beauty, fashion and diet requirements to be ready for “polish week” (the week before potential recruits show up).
It’s not the most insane sorority email we’ve ever read (this is), but it’s still pretty nutso the extent to which these girls pick each other apart. Er, we mean help to improve each other’s personal development. Here are the basic rules:
1. Be skinny.
2. Be perfect.
3. NO GLASSES.
Get more details below, lest you be “less beautiful than you actually are.” All quotes are sic from the original email, with italics added by us for emphasis.
The Importance of Spanx: “I cannot stress how important spanx are to make you look your best. Even if you are very thin, Spanx will give you a better ‘line’ when you wear clothes (no awkward bumps!) Plus you don't have to worry about sucking in all the time or being bloated!”
What We Talk About When We Talk About Eyebrows: “Eyebrows shape your face. Bad eyebrows will make you look less beautiful than you actually are! Your eyebrows need to look neat (as in not messy) for recruitment. I know ‘full’ eyebrows are in style right now, but ‘full’ does not mean ‘BUSHY’ or ‘WILD.’”
How to Be Healthy How to Be Skinny: “Being sick or feeling gross during recruitment sucks. Start eating healthy today and you'll feel so much better by the time polish week and recruitment starts. Stay away from fried and super sugary foods. Your face will seriously brighten up. Also, exercise. Start now and you'll have way more energy and endurance for the long hours of recruitment.”
A Memo From the Hair Dictator: “For recruitment, your hair has to be curly or straight. No waves...Note: if you have straight hair and you want to wear it curly, don't. Your hair needs to be able to hold for 15 hr days and hairspray crunchy or limp hair is not acceptable...If you have bangs, they need to be styled correctly. If they're long and you're afraid they're going to be in your face the whole time, get some bobbi pins that match your hair color (except on house tours day/door chant, obvi). We don't want to look "emo" or like we're actually trying to flirt with PNMs [potential new recruits] by touching our hair all the time.”
The 7 Essential Makeup Habits of High Effective Sisters: “You need to have foundation, concealer, something pinky/neutral for the lips (stain, gloss, etc), BLOT POWDER/OIL BLOTTERS, eyeliner (BLACK or BROWN only), mascara, neutral eyeshadows, bronzer, and (optional but recommended) blush. If you are not wearing the required makeup, I will stop you and apply it myself. I don't care if you're late for class. I don't care if you're a sophomore or a super senior. I will stop you.”
NO GLASSES: “We would like to strongly encourage that you wear contacts during recruitment. Obviously if that is not an option for you or if you are uncomfortable doing so it is by no means mandatory. However, we want the PNMs to be able to see your lovely eyes the best they can and strongly encourage wearing contacts over glasses. Poking your eyes is worth it just this once, promise!”
“It may seem superficial to some of you," the email concludes. "But if you don’t make a great first impression, you have to do so much more catch up work." Good point. In summary: If you don’t wear makeup, keep up with constant grooming, or require glasses, YOU DON’T BELONG HERE. And they say kids don’t learn anything in college.
Read the entire email at Jezebel.
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