We get it, Conrad Hilton. What happened to you could have happened to anyone of certain means. You're just an everyday heir to a hotel chain fortune who was burdened with the task of having to deal with regular people.
According to court documents obtained by the LA Times, you surrendered to the FBI on Tuesday after allegedly causing a disturbance on Flight 269 from London to Los Angeles on July 31.
The documents allege you assaulted and intimidated the flight crew attempting to perform their duties. They also allege you referred to the crew and the other passengers as peasants, and were pacing down the aisles, yelling profanities.
You allegedly threatened to kill flight crew members, Conrad. Even more, the flight crew was reportedly worried you were under the influence due to your alleged erratic way of speaking. (However, the 20-year-old said he had not been drinking and had only taken a sleeping pill.)
"If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it on and I will [expletive] fight you," is something you said, according to the criminal complaint.
"I could get you all fired in five minutes. I know your boss. My father will pay this out, he has done it before. Dad paid $300,000 last time," is also something you allegedly said.
Finally, you were reportedly restrained, while sleeping, and now could face up to 20 years in Federal Prison for the assault charge. That's just the WORST.
We can't change what reportedly happened to you that day, on that flight, but we would like to offer you some helpful tips for the next time you deal with people who don't realize that you are one of the Hiltons and therefore better than them.
1. Don't Threaten To Kill People
This is a tough one to grasp, but many people have this inexplicable value to their own life and well-being. You may not share that value, that's okay. Just fake it for a few minutes.
2. Learn This Phrase: "Thank you"
This is a phrase normos exchange to show compassion for one another. You can just deploy it when one of them interacts with you and you can't figure out why. Works like a charm.
3. Invest in a Good Book or Some Headphones
When the less affluent aren't respecting the inherent socioeconomic differences between you and them, these act as very tangible barriers they can easier comprehend.
4. Play A Fun Game Called Basic Human Decency
People sometimes play fun little games to weather the monotony of life. Pretending those people matter could be a fun game!
5. On that Note, Pretend Everyone Around You Has Billionaire Fathers Too
It's funny, 'cause they don't.
6. Take a Bathroom Break
You could always snap mirror selfies like your sister, Paris Hilton.
7. When All Else Fails, Remember that Silence is Golden
Not trying to point out the obvious here, but YOU'RE A HILTON! You don't need to talk to these losers!
Of course, take all this advice with a grain of salt. These are all just best practices to keep in your back pocket in case you find yourself in a jam again, and don't feel like throwing another $300,000 of your dad's money at it.
In all seriousness, good luck Conrad. We hope you find the help you need.
Well, that's covered. Now, let's all watch this video about Paris Hilton's adorable puppy.