Michelle Rodriguez says she went on a "bit of a binge" upon learning that her friend and Fast & Furious co-star Paul Walker had been killed in a freak car crash.
Rodriguez refers to Walker as the "deepest guy I know" and admits that after learning of his death on Nov. 30, 2013, she went off on the deep end in an interview with Entertainment Weekly. "I went crazy a little bit," she confessed. "I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind."
The 36-year-old actress' behavior inevitably was reported in tabloids, including her PDA-filled relationship with model Cara Delevingne, her brief rendezvous with Zac Efron in Spain and Sardinia and her brush with Justin Bieber at a yacht party. "I was pushing myself to feel," she says of that time in her life. "I felt like nothing I could do could make me feel alive, so I just kept pushing myself harder and harder. I was traveling and I was having sex. And I was just trying to ignore everything that I was feeling."
Rodriguez tearfully expounds on the friendship she shared with Walker, saying she never had a connection with another person like that. "I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who's deep like me, who loves like that," she says. "When that disappears, you wonder, 'Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?' There was nothing to tether me to this existence: 'Why am I f**king here? And, like, why'd you leave without me?'"
Fortunately, the Furious 7 actress was able to pull herself out of her grieving and move on with her life. "I just woke up [one morning] with a profound respect for living," Rodriguez recalls. "I stood tall one day and I said, 'You know what, Michelle? Stop f**king hiding. Go manifest.' And all of a sudden, I picked myself up and started hustling."