Happy Mother’s Day! To Miss Tina only!
Around this most special of days, where we’re meant to cherish everything our mothers for who they are and what they have given us, we mostly just want to talk about Beyoncé’s mom, Tina Knowles. No disrespect to our regular moms, but here are the reasons it’s good to have Miss Tina as your matriarch:
1. She’ll teach you good home training. At least, that’s what she taught Bey (meanwhile, Beyoncé’s dad taught her how to love her haters, Solange told her to speak her mind, and Jay Z made her feel so god damn fine, SHE’S ***FLAWLESS!)
2. She’ll tell off your haters for you. Like that time she basically told TMZ to STFU and not worry about Bey and Jay’s marriage because the rumors were all B.S. Or when she read that creepy paparazzo to filth for trying to take pictures of Blue Ivy.
3. She keeps you dripping in House of Deréon. Which was Miss Tina’s fashion line, but her children can probably still get custom pieces. You’ll want to dress with at least two, but no more than three, friends, siblings, cousins, whatever, though. She specializes in matching bedazzled looks. (Don’t forget the beret!)
4. Good DNA. Even the second best Knowles sister (Solange) is better than your faves. No offense to you, but imagine the bump your gene pool would get with some help from Tina Knowles! You’d probably be a better singer. You’d definitely be a better dance.
5. She’s a businesswoman. And would help you became a super successful businessperson too. Miss Tina has created two fashion lines, and curated others. She’s a philanthropist. She’s a businesswoman (though we don’t always know what those bu$ine$$ venture$ are, but it doesn’t matter because she’s getting paid). Cash that paycheck, Miss Tina! You don’t need any man to take care of you!
6. She’ll be your badass feminist role model. Hence why Beyoncé wrote her the middle-aged divorcée anthem “Ring Off” after Miss Tina left that scrub, Matthew Knowles. “After all your tears / After all that pain’s all clear / Mama, after all them years / We can start all over again / Mama, and now it all makes sense / Letting go is never the end / Mama, we can love again / This is where freedom begins Mama.”
7. Beyoncé would be your sister. Isn’t that the dream? Some people would may argue that being Beyoncé is the dream, but those people are wrong. If you are Beyoncé, you won’t get to hang out with Beyoncé on a yacht or have a hotel dance party with her. The best-case scenario is being the closest person to her: Family.
8. She is the one true Supreme. That’s like, just a fact. All hail the kween.
9. And she would love you fiercely. Like she does with her own kids. In an open letter she wrote to Beyoncé, Solange, and honorary daughters, Kelly Rowland and niece Angie Beyince, Tina says, “I gave birth to two of you, but I have four incredible daughters.” She continues, “Every day, I wake up thinking about how much I love, admire and cherish each of you.”
Then again, I’m sure your mom -- and our moms -- love us just as much.
Now, find out more about Miss Tina’s emotional letter to her daughters: