‘Grey’: 14 of the Most Ridiculous Passages From Christian Grey’s Perspective

by Stacy Lambe 5:25 AM PDT, June 18, 2015
Photo: Universal Pictures

When it was first announced that EL James -- author of the wildly popular fanfiction series, Fifty Shades of Grey -- was releasing a new book, Grey, fans went gaga. And honestly, it should have come with no surprise. The first three novels were a sensation, selling over 100 million copies and eventually becoming a film series, with the first starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan as the lead characters, the virginal Anastasia Steele and the domineering Christian Grey.

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On June 18, Vintage Anchor Books released Grey, which tells the first installment of the saga from Christian Grey’s perspective. With the new novel, fans now get to find out just what the man was thinking. And like the original series, it’s packed full of eroticism, romance, and some serious NSFW language. (Seriously, there are at least 207 uses of f**k in just the first 430 pages!! We lost count after that.)

It’s that kind of novel -- and we expected nothing less. Check out 14 of most ridiculous passages we came across in the new book.

Photo: PR Photos

1. Christian loves Anastasia’s lips.

She peeks up at me and bites down on her full bottom lip.

F**k! How did I not notice how inviting that mouth is?

“S-Sorry, I’m not used to this.”

I can tell, baby, but right now I don’t give a damn because I can’t take my eyes off your mouth.

2. His penis, like, really likes her…

It takes me all of three seconds to spot her. She’s hunched over the counter, staring intently at a computer screen and picking at her lunch -- a bagel. Absentmindedly, she wipes a crumb from the corner of her lips and into her mouth and sucks on her finger. My cock twitches in response.

3. And…

Slowly I turn my head, and she’s fast asleep, facing me. Her beautiful face soft in repose.

I have never slept with a woman. I’ve f**ked many, but to wake up beside an alluring young woman is a new and stimulating experience. My cock agrees.

4. And…

“Looks good, doesn’t it?” I ask, so that she’ll turn and I can see her face. She does, with a huge cock-tightening grin. “We’ll be there in a few minutes,” I add.

5. And…! Which really also coincides with his love for her lips.

Her lips form a perfect small o. My cock hardens further. Yes, I’d like to f**k that mouth, that o.

Photo: Interview Magazine

6. Not surprisingly, Christian’s favorite body part is his… penis.

Lifting my hips, I grab my cock. “I want you to become well acquainted, on first-name terms, if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”

7. He has a number of fantasies about her…

Shit – stop. I groan inwardly, trying to chase away the image of her suspended from the ceiling in my playroom.

8. And…

An image of her shackled to my bench, peeled gingerroot inserted in her ass so she can’t clench her buttocks, comes to mind, followed by judicious use of a belt or strap. Yeah… That would teach her not to be so irresponsible. The thought is hugely appealing.

9. And… that’s even before they’ve become intimate!

As we stand inside I make a mental note to f**k her in an elevator one day. That’s if she agrees to my deal. 

Photo: Focus Features

10. Of course, the fantasies don’t end after they’ve started having sex.

Closing my eyes, I imagine dripping hot wax onto her breasts and her squirming beneath me. This has a radical effect on my body.

11. And…

An image of Ana tethered to her bed with my tie comes to mind. I shift in my chair. I hope she’s brought that bed to Seattle.

12. Christian’s very direct manner of talking to Anastasia.

Oh, Grey, let’s disabuse her of this straightaway. “No, Anastasia, it doesn’t. First, I don’t make love. I f**k, hard.”

13. He’s also obsessed with her eating habits… though it’s only once that he’s turned on by it.

The sight stirs my body and I shift in my chair. She reaches for an oyster, squeezes the lemon, holds back her head, and opens wide. As she tips the oyster into her mouth my body hardens.

14. His ability to shock… and awe.

With my eyes locked on hers, I take her panties, crush them to my nose, and inhale deeply. Her mouth pops open and her eyes widen in amused shock. 

Of course, we didn’t want to spoil all the sex scenes -- or the infamous Red Room. You can check out all of that in the book, which is out on bookshelves now. In the meantime, watch a scene from the Fifty Shades of Grey film related to passage No. 3.