Former Basketball Wives star Evelyn Lozada opened up about the loss of her unborn child, which played out in front of reality show cameras for OWN's Livin' Lozada.
"It was really hard for me to wrap my mind around what was happening," Lozada told ET. "You have so many questions in your mind. You want to save the pregnancy."
This would have been Evelyn's third pregnancy -- her second with fiancé, Dodgers' outfielder Carl Crawford.
"I think it's something that will always stay with me," Lozada said. "I have the ultrasound photos, and I still have my pregnancy test, and I feel like that's the only picture that I have of my baby."
She calls that baby her "little angel," and sometimes dreams of who he or she might have become.
"I wonder if it was a girl or a boy and how would she be," Lozada said. "Leo has brought so much joy into our lives, so I can't help but to wonder what that would have been like if I gave birth to that child."
Carl Leo is Lozada's 1-year-old son with Crawford. In March 2014, he joined big sister Shaniece, 22, from one of Lozada's previous relationships. In dealing with the pain of her loss, Lozada is trying to focus on the silver lining, giving words of encouragement to others who might find themselves in her shoes.
"One of the things that I would say to the women that have dealt with miscarriages, or are about to go through a miscarriage, is that it's not your fault," Lozada said. "I feel like every time something bad has happened in my life, something much better came into my life. I'm going to just sit back and wait to see what that is."
Lozada's journey is documented on Livin' Lozada, airing Saturdays on OWN.