Instead, they got wasted and recalled how they met, Drunk History-style.
Justin explains, “We didn't want to waste time at the wedding reception having to answer the question ‘how did you two meet?,’ so with the help of a few friends and a lot of booze we made this video to show at the rehearsal dinner.”
(WARNING: The video contains some explicit language. Or, as Justin says, “a few F-bombs from my drunken bride, delicate ears beware.”)
The couple split a bottle of whiskey, two bottles of wine, and half a bottle of vodka before taking a stroll down memory lane. (Thankfully, you can’t get a Strolling-Down-Memory-LaneUI.)
Their story -- with reenactments starring James Kirkland as Justin and Alexi Wasser as Jill -- begins when they first laid eyes on each other at Seth Rogen's Hilarity for Charity fundraiser.
That’s not the moment they “fell madly in love, went home that night, made out, and had some safe sex." (Though someone maybe had sex with a D.J. that night.)
And it covers everything until their very first date, nearly two years later.
And it looks like they lived happily ever after...
Speaking of getting drunk, Natalie Portman reveals her wilder days, pre-social media: