Khloe Kardashian admits she wasn't always so put together.
In her new book, Strong Looks Better Naked
, the 31-year-old reality star reveals she took it hard when her father, Robert Kardashian, Sr., died.
"At the funeral, though, when I saw my father in his casket, I completely fell apart. I don't remember the details, but apparently I was an emotional wreck, and I'm told that I was so distraught I actually passed out," she writes. "At one point I fell to the floor kicking and screaming, and I had to be sedated. It was really intense. I refused to believe my father was gone. I just wanted to believe it was all just a bad dream. That's when the partying started."
Khloe also discloses that she turned to heavy drinking and partying as a way of "numbing" her pain.
"I was 19 at the time, and to say I didn’t handle his death well is an understatement," Khloe writes. "I didn’t turn to drugs, but I certainly drowned my sorrows in drink, and the partying soon got out of hand. I was underage and behaving recklessly in clubs and at private parties."
She said it was during this period that she saw how "easy it is to become a binge drinker and a binge eater."
"I see pictures of myself at the time and I was so bloated that I look like I’m 45 years old!" she writes. "It was pretty much, 'Don't worry. We can get you into this club.' Or, 'Here, have one more drink for the road.'"
While Khloe says she "pulled away" from those closest to her at this time in her life, she credits her older sister Kourtney for getting her back on track.
"I didn't end up in rehab or anything because Kourtney put her foot down and forced me to take control of my life," Khloe confesses, "but I probably came close."
The Keeping Up With the Kardashians star
says that she went onto work at her family's clothing store, Dash, and it was here that she found a sense of purpose. "Just getting up, going to work, and being productive changed my whole outlook on life," she writes. "I still missed my father, of course, and there were times when I cried myself to sleep at night, but I knew I would survive."