Watch the Ladies of 'Orange Is the New Black' Perform a Hilariously NSFW Christmas Carol

by John Boone 11:00 AM PST, December 23, 2015
Photo: Netflix

‘Tis shaping up to be a very incarcerated Christmas!

Well, not for Teresa Giudice -- the Real Housewife of New Jersey was released from prison this morning -- but the cast of Orange Is the New Black is still in the Big House and they have a rendition of “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” that we guarantee you’ve never heard before.

Without further ado, Piper (Taylor Schilling), “Crazy Eyes” (Uzo Aduba), Taystee (Danielle Brooks) and the rest of the ladies of Litchfield recall how they “may have robbed and roughed up St. Nick.”

Hey, at least this Christmas pageant ends with shots and not Piper beating Pennsatucky (Taryn Manning) half to death.

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The NSFW holiday carol is the gift that keeps on giving, because we are pretty sure it contains a few teases for season four. (WARNING: Spoilers for season three of OITNB.) First? That Alex (Laura Prepon) is alive and well, after we last saw her squaring off with one of Kubra’s hit men.

And then there’s Sophia (Laverne Cox), whose appearance seems to indicate that she’ll get out of the SHU -- where she was sent for her “protection” after she threatened to sue Litchfield for discrimination -- sooner rather than later.

No sign of Nicky (Natasha Lyonne), though. Santa Claus, if you’re reading this, all we want for Christmas is Nicky to get out of max!

Now, look back on what the OITNB cast was doing before they were inmates: