Kate Hudson Pens Powerful Essay: 'Sometimes I Feel Like a Bad Mom'

by Antoinette Bueno 4:30 PM PDT, April 07, 2016
Playing Kate Hudson Pens Powerful Essay: 'Sometimes I Feel Like a Bad Mom'

Kate Hudson is getting real about balancing her life as a mother and a working actress and entrepreneur.

The 36-year-old Almost Famous star opens up with regard to her relationship with her eldest son, 12-year-old Ryder, for the May issue of InStyle, and admits the two have an unconventional bond.

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"I was really young, like, 23, when I had Ryder. So, our relationship has always been [a little unusual]," Kate tells the magazine. "I mean, we're close, and I am his mom. I'm big on manners. I'm big on politeness. I'm big on gratitude. But I'm a bit of a wild mom."

Kate also pens a personal essay for InStyle titled "Sometimes I Feel Like a Bad Mom," and admits that while she enjoys time to herself, it's definitely hard to be away from her children. Along with Ryder, Kate has a son -- 4-year-old Bingham -- with her ex-fiance, Muse frontman Matt Bellamy.

"Some days I feel like I should win best mom of the day award, and some days I find myself doing strange things that don't have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children. ... Even as I write this, I am traveling for a week away from my children to promote my book, Pretty Happy, and I'm so happy to have some time to myself and excited to have this experience," Kate writes. "But there's this tight, pulling sensation that never goes away that it comes at the cost of missing a week of my children's lives, and it aches."

"[But] I wouldn't be the best mom I could be if I didn't follow my creative endeavors," she continues. "I would feel an emptiness that would be felt in our home. So a stay-at-home mom will never be my life and that will never be my kids' experience of me."

Photo: InStyle

ET caught up with Hudson last October at the grand opening of her Fabletics boutique in New Jersey, when she shared that even Ryder recognizes his mom looks a lot younger than some of his friends' mothers.

"I think he's starting to realize how young his mom is to be the mom of a tween, because he comes back and he's like, 'Mom, all my friends are like, How old is your mom?'" she said.

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In February, Kate revealed that she definitely wants more children.

"I really want more kids. You know, anywhere between four and six,” she told SiriusXM radio host Jennifer Hutt. "I just love them [kids]. They're a pain in my a**, and they're the best pain in my a** ever."

"I just love every bit of it," she continued. "I love the insanity. I love the chaos. I love laughing with them. I love when I gotta raise my voice at them. I love gathering them all together. I love when I have all the kids."

Watch the video below to see Kate and Ryder showing off their dance moves to Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen!"