Patton Oswalt is nearly ready to "start being funny again."
actor's wife, Michelle McNamara, died at the age of 46
on April 21. In an emotional Facebook post
, Oswalt opened up about his grief, equating depression to a fourth grade bully and grief to "Jason Statham holding that 4th grade bully's head in a toilet and then f**king the teacher you've got a crush on in front of the class."
"I was face-down and frozen for weeks," he wrote. "It's 102 days later, and I can confidently say I have reached a point where I'm crawling. Which, objectively, is an improvement. Maybe 102 days later I'll be walking."
Oswalt, 47, said that over those 102 days, he never found closure or "a new sense of self," but instead revealed he now has "solid knowledge of fear, exhaustion and a new appreciation for the randomness and horror of the universe."
But he did learn something about the people around him, writing:
"You will have been shown new levels of humanity and grace and intelligence by your family and friends. They will show up for you, physically and emotionally, in ways which make you take careful note, and say to yourself, 'Make sure to try to do that for someone else someday.' Complete strangers will send you genuinely touching messages on Facebook and Twitter, or will somehow figure out your address to send you letters which you'll keep and re-read 'cause you can't believe how helpful they are. And, if you're a parent? You'll wish you were your kid's age, because the way they embrace despair and joy are at a purer level that you're going to have to reconnect with, to reach backwards through years of calcified cynicism and ironic detachment."
The comedian also vowed to finish his late wife's book about The Golden State Killer. McNamara, a true crime writer and podcaster, had spent years researching the case. "She left behind an amazing unfinished book, about a horrific series of murders that everyone -- including the retired homicide detectives she worked with -- was sure she'd solve," he explained, before promising, "It will come out."
"And I'm going to start telling jokes again soon," he concluded his post. "And writing. And acting in stuff and making things I like and working with friends on projects and do all the stuff I was always so privileged to get to do before the air caught fire around me and the sun died."