Crazy Ex-Girlfriend star Rachel Bloom is going on the record about her struggles with depression and anxiety.
"It all began with one sleepless night," Bloom wrote, explaining that her bout with childhood depression "came back in full force" as she and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend co-creator Aline Brosh McKenna were pitching the show to various networks.
"In my head, this was my chance to 'make it,' which hinged on my performing in those meetings," she recalled. “I had a friend staying over, and suddenly it was midnight. I said to myself, ‘Oh, you stupid b***h! Go to bed. You have a pitch in the morning!' I didn't sleep for a second that night. By the time I met Aline the next day, I looked like I had been hit by a truck."
Things began to spiral from there, and Bloom found herself battling insomnia, which made her "delirious," and scared that she wasn’t getting enough sleep.
Bloom’s boyfriend proposed to her a few weeks later, but the romantic gesture led to more anxious thoughts, and leftover "relationship anxiety."
“So on this amazing night, my sleep anxiety combined with my old relationship anxiety, and all I could think was, ‘Don’t be anxious—if you think about anxiety today, you’re going to associate anxiety with your husband for the rest of your life,’” she admitted.
From getting engaged to the stress of creating the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend pilot—and the addition of a hormonal issue brought on by her birth control – Bloom sank into what she described as the "worst depression" of her life.
She decided that it was time to get help and sought a psychiatrist, who diagnosed her with "low-grade depression" and prescribed her a "small amount of Prozac."
After that, Bloom’s life began to slowly improve with each psychiatry session.
"The thing that has most aided me through my anxiety and depression is realizing I’m not alone," she added. "I’m naturally bubbly, even when I’m sad. But here’s what people can’t see: During a spiral the world feels dark. I have anxiety about anxiety, then I worry the anxiety will ruin my life. It’s a snake-eats-tail loop. But in opening up to others, I found a lot of people have felt the same way."
The 29-year-old actress can now proudly say that she’s in a "good place" and no longer dealing with her depression alone, thanks to the help of her psychiatrist, Aline, and “most importantly,” her husband, comedian Dan Gregor.
"He doesn’t try to diminish or ‘solve’ my anxiety. He says, ‘That sounds horrible. I’m so sorry. What do you need from me now?'" Bloom wrote adding, "And when I’m tired, I just fall asleep."
Aside from being in a better mental space, Blooms career is still soaring. Watch her response to winning a Golden Globe in the video below.