Patton Oswalt is getting candid about his new life as a single father.
In a letter for GQ,
the 47-year-old actor opened up about raising his 7-year-old daughter, Alice, alone after his wife, crime writer Michelle McNamara, died in April
"I was looking forward to spending my life with the single most original mind I'd ever encountered. And now? Gone. All gone," Oswalt wrote. "It feels like a walk-on character is being asked to carry an epic film after the star has been wiped from the screen."
"I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I want to tune out the world and hide under the covers and never leave my house again and send our daughter, Alice, off to live with her cousins in Chicago, because they won't screw her up the way I know I will. Somebody help me! I can't. I can't. I can't," he continues, before remembering he felt the same terror when he became a father and married Michelle -- "a woman far above my pay grade" -- but eventually "got the hang of it."
"This is my first time being a single father. I've missed forms for school. I've forgotten to stock the fridge with food she likes. I've run out of socks for her. I've run out of socks for me. It sucked and it was a hassle every time, but the world kept turning," he explains of how he's learning to cope with his wife's absence. "If I can persuade a comedy club full of indifferent drunks to like me, I can have my daughter ready for soccer on a Saturday morning."
McNamara died suddenly in her sleep on April 21. The coroner's office has not yet declared a cause of death, but Oswalt says he thinks his wife overdosed on Xanax. While he admits to struggling since McNamara's death, the King of Queens alum says he's "moving forward" for Alice.
"I'm moving forward -- clumsily, stupidly, blindly -- because of the kind of person Alice is. She's got so much of Michelle in her," he noted. "And Michelle was living her life moving forward. And she took me forward with her. Just like I know Alice will."
"So I'm going to keep moving forward. So I can be there with you if you need me, Alice," he concluded. "Because I'll need you. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Because of you, Alice."