Britt Nilsson is coming clean about her time on The Bachelor.
In an emotional YouTube video posted earlier this month, the reality star revealed that she struggled with bulimia while filming Chris Soules' season of The Bachelor in 2015 -- and that she went through great lengths to hide her eating disorder from producers.
"I was sober on the show, so that was good," Nilsson shared, describing herself as an alcoholic. "But when I'm not drinking, a harder problem, and a longstanding problem, has been my addiction to food and my relationship with food. It's been very complicated."
"You're mic'd 24/7, and I would take my mic off and try to hide it under towels and stuff so they wouldn't hear me throw up, because then that was going to be the show, and that was going to be a plotline, and how horrible would that be to be the girl who has an eating disorder, who can't stop eating and throwing up," she explained. "I mean, I had broken blood vessels. I would throw up until I was bleeding out of my nose, and I would just wipe it off. I just couldn't stop, and it's been a theme in my life."
Nilsson said that while other girls questioned her intentions throughout filming, she wasn't aware that they were talking about her behind her back until the end of the show. Instead, her bulimia stemmed from her own anxiety.
"I was in the show for about two and a half, three months...For me, having tons of food everywhere, and you're just a captive audience, you can't go anywhere," she confessed. "I had pain and anxiety, I felt insecure, I didn't feel pretty enough, I didn't know what was going on, I missed my family, and I hadn't acted out in that way in a really long time."
"I was totally terrified that it was going to be caught on a mic, and that everyone was going to hear, and millions of people knew that I couldn't control myself," she added.
The brunette beauty, who also competed to be the Bachelorette
against Kaitlyn Bristowe, said she's since learned to control her eating disorder, and has been sober for one year.
"Not that I was drinking a bottle of wine by myself in the bathtub, or waking up and taking shots, but my personality, for better or worse, is a personality where little is good, all is best, and more, more, more," she admitted. "That’s just something that I’ve had to navigate throughout my entire life. Alcohol has been part of my life off and on, but whenever it is a part of my life I try to control it and I can’t.”
Nilsson credits her new fiance, Jeremy Byrne, for helping her through her struggles. See more on the couple in the video below.