For the first time, Jennifer Hudson is speaking about the devastating murders of her mother, brother and nephew in 2008.
"It's like a blur," she said on "VH1's Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson" Monday night. "It was surreal. It was like I was outside of myself."
In order to get through the ordeal, she secluded herself from the public and relied on her faith.
"For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out," she recalled. "I prayed when I'd get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night."
Now her 10-month-old son David (with her fiancé David Otunga) is a driving force behind her emotional recovery.
"Being a mother reminds me of my mom," she said on the one-hour special. "In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom."
"I feel like I've seen the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows," the singer stated. "But, I wouldn't trade my career for nothing in the world."
The bodies of Hudson's mother, Darnell Donerson, 57, and brother Jason Hudson, 29, were found shot to death in October, 2008 in Donerson's South Side Chicago home -- and the body of Hudson's 7-year-old nephew Julian was found three days later in an SUV.