Survivor castaways are often filled with regret about their game play after missing out on the million, but Simone Nguyen's what-ifs are of a much different nature.
"Like, if I'm being completely honest, I would have put myself on a tribe of all the hotties," she bluntly told ET over the phone on Thursday, after watching her elimination the night before.
"Oh my god, Alan is so hot. Cole is so hot. Devon is so hot. Jessica is so hot. Desi is so hot. Ali is so hot. Like, there's so many good-looking people," she continued. "I would imagine to myself, 'If only we were on a tribe of 10 people, and I got all the hot, athletic people and then me.' That would have been a dream come true!"
"I'm in a very committed relationship, but I was away from home, so it's fun to look at," she continued. "My boyfriend understands. My boyfriend got to meet some of the people on my show, and he was like, 'I kind of get it.' I was like, 'Yeah, baby. Yeah you do.'"
Simone was admittedly out of her comfort zone the minute she stepped on the island, but after flawlessly preparing a fish for her tribe mates on Wednesday night's episode of Heroes v. Healers v. Hustlers, she seemed to have a chance.
"I read two books. I read the Boy Scout Manual, and had a friend teach me how to tie lashings and knots and things like that, and then I read a book called How to Sh*t in the Woods. It didn't occur to me that maybe I should have gone camping instead of reading about camping, but that was my instinct," she confessed, revealing that she also put on weight to prepare for her season "thinking that I was going to lose it all."
"I just didn't want to be like this skinny, little b**chy Asian, so I was just like, 'OK, well there's really nothing I can do to change that except put on weight,' and then I became, like, this squishy, little Asian, and I was like, 'No! This was not the intention!'" she recalled. "Of course I pull up in the airport with everybody, and oh my god, this cast."
"Can you just look at them for a second, because this is like the best-looking group of people I have ever seen in my life," she declared. "It's insane, because I'm staring at all this eye candy, just thinking to myself, like, 'On the one hand, let me drink this all in, but on the other hand, man, I should have worked out. I'm done. I'm in trouble.'"
As for Patrick, whom Simone notably did not include in her long list of hotties, she says fans should expect him to exit the game soon after her, "but you never know. There's so many random things that could happen."
"I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, I know I'm an outsider,' but Patrick is waking up everybody in the middle of the night, howling, getting in fights with people, making a mess, trying to be on TV, hamming it up for the cameras, looking for the idol, not even hiding it, yelling at everybody, doing monologues, looking into the camera like we're on The Office," she explained, all in one breath. "Patrick is Patrick and he just owns the fact that he acts like a doofus."
Instead, Simone is hoping another one of the Hustlers is the sole Survivor.
"I know [Ali] voted me out, but I can't even be mad at her, because have you seen her hair? I'm just glad someone exists out there that looks like her, because, oh my god, she is like, hair goals," she reasoned. "She doesn't smile that much, but when she does, she's a really sweet person. And she's a physical threat. I could see her dominating."
And though Simone admitted that it was "embarrassing" to see herself on TV -- "Can you imagine what it's like? Six days and you only go to the bathroom once?" -- nothing would stop her from returning for another season.
"That's the only way you'd ever get me camping again. Like, I hate the outside, but I would go outside for the chance to win a million dollars. Like, let's be real. I'm not down with the bugs unless they're trying to get me paid," she shared. "Back tomorrow, Jeff. I'd do it. Whatever."
"I've already sh*t in the ocean once," she added. "I can do it again."
Survivor airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on CBS.