Uhh, guys, the clowns are mad. We made the clowns mad.
It’s been a rather interesting week in clown news (it’s interesting that there is even enough stories about clowns to constitute a collective clown news, but alas): First, several real-life creepy clowns popped up in California towns. Now, the largest professional clown club is speaking out against their representation in American Horror Story: Freak Show.
Clowns of America International (C.O.A.I.), a “gathering place for serious minded amateurs, semiprofessionals, and professional clowns,” is taking a stand against serial killer Twisty the Clown, played by Mimi’s husband on The Drew Carey Show (John Carroll Lynch).
"Hollywood makes money sensationalizing the norm," C.O.A.I. President Glenn Kohlberger (or Clyde D. Scope, as he’s known in the clown world) told The Hollywood Reporter. "They can take any situation no matter how good or pure and turn it into a nightmare."
"We do not support in any way, shape or form any medium that sensationalizes or adds to coulrophobia or 'clown fear,' " Kohlberger, who “can’t quite figure out how something so sweet and well-meaning as clowning could have gone so wrong, continued. “I choose not to play into any of it. The more attention we give it just gives it more fuel.”
Which might be effective if it weren’t for AHS creator Ryan Murphy providing enough fuel of his own, promising ETonline this would be “our scariest year yet.”
Which means, for the meantime, people will probably just steer clear of all clowns. Just to be safe.
We tried to use the C.O.A.I. member search to see if there were any clowns registered under the name of “Twisty,” but alas, you must be a member to search. But we did find “The Eight Clown Commandments”:
1. I will keep my acts, performance and behavior in good taste while I am in costume and makeup. I will remember at all times that I have been accepted as a member of the clown club only to provide others, principally children, with clean clown comedy entertainment. I will remember that a good clown entertains others by making fun of himself or herself and not at the expense or embarrassment of others.
2. I will learn to apply my makeup in a professional manner. I will provide my own costume. I will carry out my appearance and assignment for the entertainment of others and not for personal gain or personal publicity when performing for either the International club or alley events. I will always try to remain anonymous while in makeup and costume as a clown, though there may be circumstances when it is not reasonably possible to do so.
3. I will neither drink alcoholic beverages nor smoke while in makeup or clown costume. Also, I will not drink alcoholic beverages prior to any clown appearances. I will conduct myself as a gentleman/lady, never interfering with other acts, events, spectators, or individuals. I will not become involved in or tolerate sexual harassment or discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability or any protected status.
4. I will remove my makeup and change into my street clothes as soon as possible following my appearance, so that I cannot be associated with any incident that may be detrimental to the good name of clowning. I will conduct myself as a gentleman/lady at all times.
5. While on appearance in makeup and costume, I will carry out the directives of the producer or his designated deputies. I will abide by all performance rules without complaint in public.
6. I will do my very best to maintain the best clown standards of makeup, costuming, properties, and comedy.
7. I will appear in as many clown shows as I possibly can.
8. I will be committed to providing an atmosphere free of discrimination and harassment for clowns of all ages to share ideas and learn about the art of clowning.
So there are no rules that expressly forbid murdering random teenagers in a field in the middle of the day, but maybe it’s just an implied byline? Anyway, everybody please stop persecuting the clowns. K thanks, bye!