It's time to scout some Bachelorette suitors.
The upcoming season of JoJo Fletcher's search to find love kicks off in less than two weeks, and it has already been heralded as featuring "one of the hottest casts
We have no doubt that JoJo's 26 suitors are dreamy as hell, especially considering ABC's newly released list of their names, ages, hometown and professions, some of which -- maybe more than ever -- stretch the definition of what a "job" is.
So let's cut to the chase and meet the guys -- here's your sweet sixteen for summer sixteen.
Brandon, 28, hipster, Los Angeles, CA - That is not a job, sir. Sorry to be closed-minded, but it's just not. However, there is some intrigue here, if only because the idea of a hipster who fits the body type of a Bachelorette suitor is kind of breaking our brains right now.
James S., 27, Bachelor superfan, Phoenix, AZ - Also not a job, although it's nice to have someone who appreciates the art. James might have a leg up on the other people who work for a living.
Evan, 33, erectile dysfunction specialist, Nashville, TN - OK, OK, this one's on us. That's a real, very important job, and should not make us giggle like we're in grade school. Evan sounds like a great dude who can really get the party started, and we have a hard time believing he won't do well this season. A very hard time. We're sorry. Let's move on.
Daniel, 31, Canadian, Vancouver, B.C., Canada - Come on, Daniel. You are so much more than your nationality. Let it out!
Luke, 31, war veteran, Burnet, TX - We're told Luke makes his grand arrival on a unicorn. Disregarding what that looks like and the fact that unicorns are fictional, that's about as grand a gesture as you can make, and should certainly help him stick out from the pack.
Wells, 31, radio DJ, Nashville, TN
- Kind of a funny name but he does bring out R&B group All-4-One to serenade JoJo -- wait... really?? All-4-One as in "I Swear
" as in THE DEFINING SONG OF 1994?! PICK HIM PICK HIM PICK WELLS NOW PLEASE.
James Taylor, 29, singer-songwriter, Katy, TX - James Taylor but not that James Taylor. He doesn't bring out any R&B icons but he does sing an original song, which is a brave move, especially since a better decision would be to sing a cover of that James Taylor.
Jordan, 27, former pro quarterback, Chico, CA -- Jordan was briefly on three Florida NFL teams, and although his pro football days are behind him, he is the brother of very successful Green Bay quarterback, Aaron Rodgers. Also, Aaron Rodgers is dating Newsroom star Olivia Munn, so if you're JoJo right here, you gotta be thinking some star power at the Thanksgiving dinner table is a real possibility via this dude.
Nick B., 33, electrical engineer, Fort Lauderdale, FL -- This guy's got a good job in a very stable career. If JoJo's looking to settle down, it seems like Nick could absolutely contribute his fair share to the marriage.
Chad, 28, luxury real estate agent, Tulsa, OK -- Right off the bat, this fella's conjuring up the old adage: "Always a Chad, never a husband." But if you're thinking big picture, when all the cameras go away, JoJo's gonna want someone who can negotiate some high-priced
Ali, 27, bartender, Santa Monica, CA -- OK, bartender may not have the immediate "wow factor" that electrical engineer, luxury real estate agent, and one-month member of the Miami Dolphins all have, but Ali does it in Santa Monica, and that's a highly competitive market, so we're gonna go out on a limb and say he has chops. Keep an eye out for this guy.
Most Interesting Nicknames:
Colin “Coley,” 27, real estate consultant, Chicago, IL - Coley's a very hot take on Colin. We wanna see what this dude's about.
Vincent “Vinny,” 28, barber, Delray Beach, FL - Vinny's actually a pretty familiar way to shorten Vincent. But to be fair, it's still a fun name, and one of the only other options is a William who goes by Will.
Let's Hear It for the Sales Reps:
Chase, 27, medical sales representative, Highlands Ranch, CO; Jonathan, 29, technical sales representative, Vancouver, B.C., Canada; and Nick S., 26, software salesman, San Francisco, CA - Don't really know much about these guys (although props to Jonathan for being the most forthcoming Canadian in the lineup), but salespeople can sell themselves, and that ought to make the rest of the cast -- which includes heroes such as a firefighter, a war veteran, and a U.S. Marine -- shake in their swimsuits.
So there you have it! Who do you think will be the other half of JoJo Fletcher's heart?
The Bachelorette season premiere is Monday, May 23 at a special time of 9 p.m. ET on ABC.