"Bring on the men!"
And with those four little words, JoJo Fletcher kicked off her testosterone-filled journey to find love on Monday night's season 12 premiere of The Bachelorette.
After getting her heart smashed into millions of little pieces by Ben Higgins on The Bachelor, JoJo is getting a second chance to find the man of her dreams, so the powers-that-be at ABC presented her with 26 eligible men who range everywhere from completely cringeworthy to totally swoonworthy.
Let's relive the night's most insane (and briefly adorable) moments…
Limo Letdowns: First and foremost, we can't discuss a new season of The Bachelorette without addressing the outrageous, wacky and weird limo exits that some men used to try and standout and snag JoJo's attention. As always, some were more charming than others, but there were seven men in particular who made us cringe so hard, we thought we were going to pass out from secondhand embarrassment. Let's all give a big eye-roll to…
1. Nick B.: It was the nightmare before Christmas! Nick B. decided that his best bet to get on JoJo's nice list was to emerge from the limo dressed up as Santa Claus while bellowing, "Jo Jo Jo!" You're definitely on our naughty list, Nick.
2. John: In an effort to rep his half Scottish/half Chinese heritage, John decided to emerge out of the limo in a kilt. "Luckily, for me, I'm half Scottish below the waist," the 29-year-old technical sales rep deadpanned to JoJo. To make matters even more awkward, John added that he "wasn’t wearing any panties." Face, meet palm.
3. Chase: This suitor popped out of the limo and immediately handed JoJo a set of "blue balls" with a very specific set of instructions: "If at any point in the night you feel stressed, I give you permission to squeeze my balls," he said. No thanks, Chase.
4. Vinny: And the gimmicks continued! "I couldn’t find champagne on the way, but I did prepare a little toast for me and you," the 28-year-old barber prefaced his joke before pulling out a little piece of toast from his coat pocket. JoJo's halfhearted laugh and bored expression afterwards proved that not even carbs could give Vinny an edge in the competition.
5. Brandon: The 28-year-old hipster (Yes, you read that correctly. His official gag-inducing job title is "hipster") decided to go with the brutally honest exit. "I didn’t watch the last season at all," he said in a painfully monotone voice. "I have no idea… I have nothing… I know nothing about you whatsoever." Clearly he’s a hipster who doesn’t use the Internet.
6. Nick S.: Truthfully, this was not a good night if your name was Nick. As the 26-year-old software salesman approached JoJo, he scared the crap out of her when he immediately dropped to the ground in some painful-looking splits. "I came here to fall pretty quickly for a unicorn but I didn’t realize it was going to happen that quick," he said with an extra helping of cheese.
7. Peter: And last, but certainly not least, we have Peter -- a man with moves so corny, we wish we could physically toss him to the left. "Here's my heart," he said while handing JoJo a gigantic and fuzzy stuffed heart. "I wanted to be your man crush Monday."
The Most Awkward Kiss Ever: Where there's a will, there's a way -- at least that's the motto that 26-year-old Will was following on the first night. The civil engineer attempted to woo JoJo with a middle schooler's level of charm and a cootie catcher. JoJo's "fortune" was that she was going to kiss Will, and then we had the misfortune of witnessing the most unromantic, completely awkward, peck-on-the-lips kiss in Bachelor history. "Will is very sweet until that awkward kiss happened," JoJo confessed behind-the-scenes. "I don’t think I was ready for the kiss with Will." We don’t think America was ready for that kiss with Will.
First-Impression Frontrunner: Jordan first caught our eye when he revealed that he's the younger brother of Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, but the 27-year-old quickly took the lead as JoJo's frontrunner without mentioning his famous family member. Not only did he and JoJo share some instantaneous chemistry in their first limo meet and greet, Jordan managed to erase the Bachelorette's uncomfortable kiss with Will.
"Now THAT is a kiss!" JoJo gushed to the cameras following her steamy smooch with Jordan. "I didn’t think I was going to kiss anyone, but kissing Jordan feels perfect and right and it just feels good." Jordan and his great butt, (JoJo's words, not ours -- although we wholeheartedly agree) unsurprisingly snagged the coveted first impression rose, and from the looks of it, JoJo's heart.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.