The 'Bachelorette' alum opens up about her struggles with the public's involvement in her breakup.
Kaitlyn Bristowe is struggling with letting the public into her split from fiancé Jason Tartick. The 38-year-old Bachelor Nation alum announced earlier this week that she and Tartick had called it quits after more than four years together.
On Tuesday's episode of Bristowe's Off the Vine podcast, she spoke with therapist Jenny Wise Black about struggling with her relationship to social media in the wake of the breakup.
"I'm going through a breakup with someone I was engaged to," Bristowe shared. "Now we both are public figures, we both came from the same show. We have all these followers who we've let in and we've invited them into our lives and our relationship and our home, what we're doing morning, afternoon, and night. It's become part of business, but also I feel I'm supposed to entertain."
She added of the breakup, "It's a loss, it's grief. You're going through the thought of losing somebody, all of these big emotions and now these people are on the other end of this phone, expecting you to share it with them while you're going through it."
The podcaster admitted to "holding so much responsibility" to her online followers and fans and said that it's been "affecting my mental health so much."
Bristowe confessed to having a fear that her fans will "hate" her and that she will "lose all the support."
The social media aspect of her split has also made her reconsider the idea of wanting to have children of her own.
"I have a huge fear of having kids because of all of this, because of what life could look like in 10 years with all the things we're talking about," she disclosed, referencing the negative impact of social media and its involvement in her split from Tartick. "And I always thought having a family, I can't wait. I want to be a mom, all these things. Each year that goes on, I get more and more terrified to have kids. And then there's shame around that too. How could you not want to? That's what you were born to do is procreate and do this."
In the near term. Bristowe said she plans to "go dark" on social media to spend some time focusing on herself following her split. She shared that she thought through those impacted by the breakup, and said that apart from herself, Tartick, and their close friends and family, she's trying not to engage with how the split is affecting other.
"I can't answer to it. I can't take that on as a responsibility for their feelings," she said of her followers. "I'm a mega empath and I do take that on. When I saw that, I was like, 'Yeah, I can't go on social media.'"
On Sunday, Bristowe and Tartick took to social media to announce that they were going their separate ways.
"After sharing the news with family and close friends first, and taking the time to properly process it ourselves, we are saddened with heavy hearts to share that we have decided to end our engagement," the joint statement read. "We are thankful for all of you who gave us the time and space to process this life altering decision as there are many emotions and changes to navigate."
They went on to write, "Continuing our friendship is incredibly important to both of us. We feel grateful to be ending our engagement with love and respect for each other. It’s heartbreaking and sad to say goodbye, but our care and admiration for one another will never die."
At the time, Bristowe posted a crying selfie to her Instagram Story, writing, "See you soon, bye for now."