Ranking All of the Men of Shondaland: 'Grey's Anatomy,' 'Scandal' & 'How to Get Away With Murder'
By John Boone and Jen Cady
In Shondaland, you come for the strong, powerful female leads, and you stay for the sexy men who are shirtless as many times as make sense in each script (and sometimes even when it doesn’t make sense). But who are the best and worst of Shonda’s men?
We ranked them for you, solely based on one simple question: “Who would we rather have sex with?” (That’s how everyone on the shows makes decisions. We figured it was fair.) From worst to best:
Pros: Has a job. Cons: Soooo whiney. Whines about everything all the time. Either put the white hat on or take it off, but STOP TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY.
Pros: Has a sensitive soul. Was once a good father. Cons: Has a habit of licking faces. Likes to torture.
15. Cyrus Beene
Pros: Nice house. Probably has great LinkedIn connections. Cons: Has gone 1/1 on attempting to have previous lovers assassinated. Will put you into compromising situations to advance his career. Neglectful father. Not sure what’s going on with his hair this season.
14. Papa Pope
Pros: Powerful. Good with a metaphor. Knows a lot about wine. Can have anyone who bothers you murdered. Can cook. Cons: Constantly yelling.
13. Sam Keating
Pros: Is apparently well endowed. Cons: Is a cheater. Is a liar. Is dead.
Pros: Always knows the right thing to say (unless you’re the secret love child Ellis Grey hid from him). Cons: Lots of baggage.
11. Frank Delfino
Pros: Supportive (albeit for potentially selfish reasons). Sends shirtless selfies. Cons: Sketchy beard. Relationship status is “It’s Complicated” on Facebook.
10. Wes Gibbins
Pros: Nice guy. Will trust you no matter what you say. Used to be in Harry Potter. Cons: Can be too nice for his own good. Can be so nice he's boring. Has weird sexual tension with Annalise.
9. Officer Nate Lahey
Pros: Body be banging. Good at doing research. Will make sure you get yours before he gets his (if you know what we mean — if you don’t, go back to episode one and watch what Wes walks in on). Cons: Mild stalking. Cheated on his wife who has cancer.
8. Dr. Owen Hunt
Pros: Hot ginger. Veteran who can take care of you in any kind of emergency. Cons: A little skittish. There’s something deeper there that you’ll never fully understand. PTSD sometimes makes him choke you in your sleep.
Pros: Generous lover. Leader of the free world. Likes to do it in the Oval Office, which is kinda hot. Will buy you a big house in Vermont. Cons: You tell him there’s hope one time and he won’t stop calling you in the middle of the night. Very clingy. Very temperamental. Like a giant presidential baby. Suffocated an old lady once (she was a Supreme Court justice who tried to have him assassinated, but still).
6. Dr. Alex Karev
Pros: He’s a bad boy with a good heart (Taylor Swift’s type for sure). Saves babies. Cons: Seriously dark family issues. Scared of commitment.
5. Jake Ballard
Pros: Also a generous lover. Love a man in a uniform (remember when Jake used to wear a uniform in season three? What ever happened to that? Bring back the uniform, Shonda, and maybe he’ll bump up to #4.) Cons: If you have sex with him, he brings it up all the time. Like, “I’m the one you like to ride. I’m the one who makes you moan.” OK, we get it. Don’t make us regret it. Also, is a murderer.
4. Asher Millston
Pros: Great dancer. GREAT dancer. Comes from $$$. Sense of humor. Cons: A general air of douchebaggery. You’ll be Bonnie’s sloppy seconds.
3. Dr. Derek Shepherd
Pros: Very good hair. The O.G. hottie of Shondaland. Cons: Very self-important. Your career matters too, Meredith!