The actress and mother of two got candid on her fears and expectations while shooting the show's much-anticipated season 11 finale.
It was a happy day on The Big Bang Theory as Amy and Sheldon finally got married on the show's season 11 finale -- but it was much more complicated for Mayim Bialik.
The actress opened up about the feelings and struggles she had while filming the episode in a blog post on her website, revealing that shooting the wedding scene stirred up emotions about her own marriage, which ended in divorce.
Bialik, who was married to Michael Stone for nine years from 2003 to 2012, said she wasn't comfortable wearing Amy's wedding dress -- and she wasn't even comfortable in her own. "As a divorced woman, it’s hard to revisit that moment and those decisions. It’s still painful to think about putting on the dress you take vows in, the dress that is in every picture of the perfect happy life you think you will have when you’re young and getting married," she wrote.
"I didn’t feel beautiful. Because this is real life. I had started losing weight a few months ago. Why? Because I needed to,” Bialik continued, revealing that she was "afraid" to even read the episode's script because of her expectations. She said that she started to lose weight before suffering from health issues, which prevented her from working out for a month.
“And so, I gained the weight back. I wanted to keep losing. And instead I’m back to not being comfortable. I felt ashamed. I felt like maybe the wardrobe ladies were looking at me like, ‘Oh, she tried to lose weight and maybe she didn’t have the willpower,'" she said. “They probably would never think that -- it’s my brain thinking that. But that’s the truth. I didn’t feel my best. I felt crummy about it. Even though everyone said I looked beautiful, I didn’t feel completely beautiful.”
Acting through the scene itself was hard for Bialik to get through. "It is emotional to tell someone you love them even when you’re acting. The first time I read those lines, I got emotional for real. Because it is my job to embody this character and to feel what she feels,” she explained.
“She is me and I am her, I suppose. I love Jim Parsons as my co-worker and friend. Although it’s sometimes hard to keep a straight face saying such lovey-dovey things, there’s no one I would rather say them to than Jim," she shared.
Bialik opened up more about her Big Bang Theory wedding while speaking with ET. Watch below.
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