Why People's Sexiest Man Alive Picked the Wrong Hemsworth
By John Boone
To be fair, we did think People’s Sexiest Man Alive would be a dude named Chris who stars in Marvel movies. But when Jimmy Kimmel revealed the magazine cover featuring Chris Hemsworth, we were like, “Uhh, typo?”
(We thought it was going to be Chris Pratt. You figured that out, right?)
But Hemsworth? If any Hemsworth were going to win, we'd think it would be Liam Hemsworth. And we will argue why using three simple rules we learned from How to Get Away With Murder. (Thanks, Viola Davis!)
Step 1: Discredit the WitnessPeople’s Sexiest Man Alive.
Is Chris Hemsworth hot? Undeniably. Is he the hottest actor named Chris that Marvel cast in a movie? Hard to say. He is buff — see: gratuitous shirtlessness in Thor, Thor: The Dark World — but have you seen Chris Evans’ chest and biceps and everything else muscley in Captain America?!
Or Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy?! Not only did Chris Pratt star in the biggest movie of 2014, but anytime there is even a one second lull in a conversation we automatically jump to, “Sooooo, did you know Chris Pratt had all those muscles?!”
They should have split the votes. Making way for these muscles:
Step 2: Find a New SuspectPeople’s Sexiest Man Alive.
There was another Hemsworth who should have won the distinguished honor of being the most sexy man of all living men. Not you, Luke Hemsworth, sorry. Maybe next time. It should have been Liam. Because:
We want an eligible Sexiest Man Alive. We do not want to feel guilty fantasizing about homewrecking a lovely family! (Don’t worry, Chris Hemsworth’s wife supermodel Elsa Pataky, we won’t steal your man.)
And Liam has a movie to promote.
People's Sexiest Man Alive is kind of a publicity thing, right? Well, TheHunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1, comes out TOMORROW. And Liam is finally going to do more than sit around and sulk in District 12 in this movie! Chris doesn’t have Thor: Ragnarok until 2017. Kind of selfish...
Are there other requirements? Did we miss anything?