Chris Brown Opens Up About Past Bad Behavior: I 'Hated' the Person I Saw in the Mirror

by Zach Seemayer 6:15 PM PDT, May 28, 2015
Photo: Getty Images

Chris Brown has some deep feelings he needs to get off his chest, so he's taken to Instagram to share his (somewhat vague) thoughts on self-realization.

The 26-year-old rapper posted a photo of himself on Thursday lounging on an outdoor couch on the deck of what appears to be a beachside tropical paradise, clearly lost in contemplation. Or possibly sleeping.

Photo: Instagram

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In the lengthy, conflicted open letter, Brown says he's "konfuzed" about life, love and the meaning of happiness, and admitted that he would often look in the mirror and dislike the man he saw.

"I'm Konfuzed, I always thought I knew the concept of love. Fame and Money can get in the way of that. Most of my issues always deal with love and me being in my feelings. Not to mention me being a dog sometimes. I can't speak for everyone but I can say that my actions contributed a lot to my karma. Being jealous and angry and controlling. There has been times where I looked in the mirror and hated the person I see. I talk to God a lot now. He's given me so much and I feel like I waste his gifts becuz of my impulsive personality. The world is full of negativity and I feel I play a part in it becuz of the choices I've made or mistakes. I tend to accept the negative or the riff raff becuz I know what it's like to be a young black "ni**a" in America. I always see the good in people even when they don't see it. I love others more than myself at times. Everything u see on the surface does not reflect what's inside. This is my white flag. I surrender to life and all its blessings. I refuse to be petty and attention seeking. To know me is to love me. Good Bad UGLY! Sincerely, Konfuzed."

The emotional post came a day after celebrating his daughter Royalty's first birthday, which Brown commemorated with some adorable Instagram posts.


A photo posted by @chrisbrownofficial on

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Royalty is Brown's daughter from his relationship with a model named Nia. The revelation that Brown fathered a child with Nia lead to the rapper's split from his then-girlfriend Karrueche Tran.

Brown has had a long string of legal troubles, tabloid scandals and publicity nightmares over the last few years. However, according to the rapper in an interview with ET in September, he's learning how to be "a more humble individual and more of a conscious person."

For more from Brown on his personal emotional development, check out the full ET interview in the video below.