Holly Madison is opening up to ET about the shocking allegations she makes against Playboy's Hugh Hefner in her new book, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny.
In the tell-all, the 35-year-old former Playboy Bunny details the reported emotional abuse she says she endured while living with 89-year-old Hefner, and alleges that the first time she met Hef, he offered her "thigh-opening" drugs
. At one point, she says she even felt suicidal
. Hefner has since denied the allegations
, exclusively telling ET that his ex has "decided to rewrite history in an attempt to stay in the spotlight."
Holly, of course, disagrees.
"It wasn't about having an ax to grind or wanting to get a reaction from him [Hefner], or, you know, inviting him back into my life in any way," Holly says about her motivations for the new book. "I don't really care about his response. I wanted to share my story to inspire other women who might be in a bad relationship to get out, or not be branded by bad decisions they've made, and take charge of their lives and move on. ... I'm definitely not rewriting history. I'm finally telling the truth of my experience. For so many years I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend, and I cared about him and always had his back."
She definitely feels she doesn't owe anything to Hefner for making her famous.
"I think it's important for people to understand he wasn't running a charity for wayward girls or anything -- there was definitely a price for living there, and you know, we did a lot to push the brand, and cheerlead for the brand, and I think there's a whole generation of young women who wouldn't know what Playboy was if it wasn't for [the E! reality show] Girls Next Door," she explains. "I'm definitely grateful for the good things, but I don't think I owe anyone anything. If you read the book and you see how we were treated over the years -- I definitely gave him my best for seven years. And I think I was the best girlfriend anybody could have been. But there just reaches a breaking point."
Holly says her breaking point came when her Girls Next Door co-stars Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson were getting ready to leave the Playboy Mansion, and she had three confrontations with Hefner over a weekend.
"He was kind of verbally abusive towards me and when his gentlemanly exterior had dropped like that, and there were no other girls to blame, you know, I woke up like that [snaps fingers]," Holly alleges.
Holly says she didn't leave the house sooner because of the judgment she knew she'd face being a Playboy Bunny.
"There's a lot of judgment that came along with that decision," she says about choosing to date a much older man. "I definitely liked him. I fell for his act and I thought he was smart, and I thought he was fun, and I convinced myself that other things didn't matter. ... I think people are underestimating him if they don't think he's smart and a manipulator, and if they think he's just some kind of, like, kindly old grandpa. I definitely wanted to believe his act about being a romantic and everything."
These days, Holly wouldn't even pick up the phone if Hefner attempted to speak to her. In fact, she hasn't spoken to him in four years.
"I just look back and I don't see him as a very nice person," she says bluntly. "I feel like I gave him enough of myself already, so I wouldn't even give him the time."
Check out the video below for more on Holly's headline-making allegations against Hefner, including that he allegedly tried to bribe her with three million dollars in his will
to get her to stay at the Playboy Mansion once she decided to leave.