The 30-year-old shared a photo of her husband, Doug Hehner, pointing at her belly when she was three months pregnant with her late son, Johnathan Edward, on Instagram on Monday.
“It wasn't my choice to survive without you. So I will spend my life living for you and honoring you," Otis wrote. “I was so happy to have you in my belly. I was 3 months pregnant with you in this photo ... little did I know a month later I'd lose you.”
“The heartache since you left has been excruciating,” she continued. “Johnny, I can't help but think of what you'd look like if you were able to stay in there safe & sound & come to us like you were supposed to for Christmas. I'll always love & honor you. You're my angel baby. Even though we only met briefly & I only got to hold you & give you kisses once - I still miss you. I'll always, always love you.”
In October, Otis opened up about her grief in a heartbreaking post shared on Facebook
. Sharing a photo of her and Hehner cradling Johnny’s tiny body in the hospital, Otis encouraged others who have suffered miscarriages not to hide their heartache. <p><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fphoto.php%3Ffbid%3D1313515488660057%26set%3Da.101035186574766.2304.100000048560732%26type%3D3&width=500" width="500" height="703" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowTransparency="true"></iframe>
“I've realized that there are SO many women who have experienced a similar loss and feel so isolated from it," Otis told ET after receiving positive feedback about her post. "It wasn't until I blogged [that I realized that] so many women feel the same way as me. It's taboo to share photos and talk about miscarriage. I really want to desensitize this topic.”
"Since we lost our son I've felt so alone and sad,” she continued. “It's been one of the worst experiences in my life. My biggest fear is that my sweet little baby will just be forgotten and it will be like he never even existed. I wanted to share Johnny so as he looks down from Heaven he'll know how loved, cherished, and important he still is to his mommy and daddy."