To quote Negan: "Dun dun dun duuuuuun."
Surprise! America's most charming psychopath returned again on this week's all-new episode of The Walking Dead and Negan, together with his loyal band of Saviors, managed to make everyone's life in Alexandria a living hell.
We're still fuming with rage over all of the twistedly sadistic punishments Negan unleashed upon Rick and his followers, so we're ranking The Walking Dead villain's eight most awful acts on a scale from douchey to diabolical.
8. Negan Stole Their Mattresses: When Negan arrived, a week early we might add, Rick and Co. thought that he and Lucille would just pick up the supplies that the town set aside and be on their merry and maniacal way. But, unfortunately, that's far from what happened. "No, Rick, no.," Negan snarled. "You don’t decide what we take. I do." The Saviors ransacked each and every white-picket-fenced house in Alexandria, taking everything from medicine to cameras and armchairs. But the biggest disappointment was when Negan ordered all of their mattresses to be seized. It was like watching a remake of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, but Negan was the green monster and Christmas was each and every luxury item the citizens of Alexandria had left. (However, we have a feeling that this story is not going to end with Negan's heart growing three sizes.)
7. Negan Wouldn't Let Daryl Talk to Rick: The only upside to Negan's spontaneous visit was the fact that he brought a very silent Daryl along with him. Rick immediately asked if he could have a moment to talk with his BWKFFL (Best walker-killing friend for life, duh.) but Negan promptly refused in the most vicious way possible. "He's the help," Negan snapped at Rick. "You don’t look at him. You don’t talk to him. And I don’t make you chop anything off of him." Rude.
6. Dwight Made Rosita Bring Him Daryl's Motorcycle: This week featured yet another edition of Dwight’s desperate attempts to steal Daryl’s identity. The Negan underling is already wearing his angel-wings vest, trying (and failing) to master the crossbow, and now he's forced Rosita to fetch Daryl's motorcycle for him from the train tracks. Seriously, stop trying to Single White Female him, Dwight. You're a useless, dorky prick who will never amount to being a quarter of the man Daryl is, so just accept it and go back to mourning the fact that Negan literally stole your wife away from you.
5. Negan Almost Killed Olivia: "Funny how a little, 'Holy s**t! Somebody's gonna die!' lights a little fire under somebody's ass!" Negan gleefully exclaimed to Rick. OK, this one isn't higher on the diabolical list because Negan didn’t actually go through with it. He only said he was going to kill Olivia if all of the guns on the inventory were not turned in. Luckily, all the MIA handguns were accounted for, so Alexandria's pantry protector is still alive and just as perfectly plump as ever. (She just might need a new pair of pants, though, because we imagine she probably soiled herself when Negan held that gun up to her head.)
4. Negan Was Going to Take Maggie: "Whatever happened to that sick girl?" Negan said, in reference to Maggie, just a few moments after entering Alexandria. "Widows -- especially ones that look like that -- they are special. I love 'em. Right after their husbands go, they are just empty inside. But not for long!" To our horror, Rick led Negan over to the town cemetery and right up to a freshly dug spot. Not to worry! Rick asked Gabriel to dig a fake grave for Maggie so they could hide her away from Negan's creepy and perverted plans. "She didn’t make it? That's a damn tragedy. This must suck for you guys," Negan sneered. "I was going to ask her to come back with me."
3. They Stole Their Mattresses… And Then BURNED Them All! As we so feverishly described before, The Saviors stole the Alexandrians mattresses. We assumed it was because mattresses are an extremely luxury during the time of a zombie apocalypse and Negan's band of douchebags wanted to sleep on something soft at night. In reality, the only reason they stole the mattresses was just so they could burn them for fun.
2. Negan Took ALL of Their Guns: This point doesn’t need much explanation because the dick-ish behavior is perfectly clear. Negan forced Rick to turn over each and every single gun in Alexandria -- many of which were originally stolen from Negan's own camp last season. Now Rick and the rest of the unbelievably sheltered Alexandrians are completely defenseless and fully at the mercy of Negan's wrath.
1. It's Official: Rick Is Completely Negan's B**ch: By the end of the episode, Negan proved once and for all that he has officially broken Rick's combative and retaliatory spirit. Not only did Rick rally the town to do exactly as Negan demanded, he also took away Michonne's undocumented guns and gleefully handed them over to Negan like a good little follower. Finally, as The Saviors left Alexandria -- with way more than "half" of what the town had -- Rick even said "Thank you." To which Negan crudely replied, "Thank you for being so accommodating, friend. In case you haven’t caught on, I just slipped my d**k down your throat and you thanked me for it."
The Walking Dead airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on AMC.
What did you think of tonight's episode of TWD? What do you think is Negan's most deplorable act? Share your thoughts with @LeanneAguilera on Twitter!