Clare Crawley is opening up about life after The Bachelorette, and recent split from Dale Moss. The former Bachelorette took to Instagram Live on Friday night to share how she's been in a "dark place" since her season ended and the hurtful messages she's been receiving.
Clare, 39, noted that she considers herself a pretty strong person, but dealing with social media and the things people have said to her -- all while dealing with her mom's Alzheimer’s battle and the pandemic -- "was a lot and it really got to me."
She said she has been having panic attacks and anxiety, and felt the need to address and share it with her followers.
“I think when you open yourself up to share the stuff that you're going through, not as a victim but more as vulnerability and more as just, like, the human side of you, with your friends, with your family, with the public, with people, as much as you want to share -- mine more so happens to be a lot more public than most people -- but I think when we share our struggles, it gives people the opportunity to relate to it and to share their struggles,” she explained.
Thanking those who have sent her "positivity," she revealed that things have been hard for her since getting messages people "would be disgusted at."
She started to tear up as she touched on how the ladies at the nail salon she recently went to "went above and beyond" for her when she felt at her lowest. She reminded people to be kind, "keep sending love" and check in with their friends and family.
"I was struggling pretty bad and I held it inside for a long time and I think it manifested in other ways, kind of built up and it was heavy and a lot," she expressed. "I’m getting to the point now where I’m trying really hard to come back from that and make a U-turn because it’s a dark place to be in when you’ve got a lot of stuff compiled on each other."
As for how she stays positive she mentioned the documentary Heal, as well as "focusing on your own happiness… I feel like it changes your mindset. Focus on your happiness and the things that you can control."
"There's been days where it's hard searching for gratitude and it's hard seeing the positive with things because you just want to curl up in a ball and cry sometimes and not get out of bed, which has been some days for me," the Winter Games alum said.
She concluded by sharing that one of her reasons she wanted to be on The Bachelorette was to show people her "idea of love."
“My idea of love and to be loved is to have all of our s**t that we go through, all the stuff that we experienced in life, whether it’s whatever you want to call it, like, baggage, experiences, traumas, whatever we go through, whatever we carry with us, show up with it,” she expressed. "And to know that all that …you are loved and you will be loved by the right person for all that you bring to the table, whether it's the good, the bad. Everything that we bring to the table, the right person is going to love you for that."
"I know it starts with loving yourself first," she expressed.
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Chris Harrison Addresses If Clare Crawley Was Forced to Leave ‘The Bachelorette’ (Exclusive)
Bachelorettefans saw Clare end her season early, falling for Dale roughly two weeks into filming. They got engaged on the Nov. 5 episode of the dating show -- the fastest engagement in franchise history -- and Tayshia Adams stepped in as the new Bachelorette.
Dale officially announced the couple's breakup on Instagram last week, with Clare later breaking her silence on the split a few days later, saying she was "crushed" and sounding blindsided by his announcement.
A source told ET after news of their breakup that there was "zero truth" to rumors of infidelity, while another source said the split was, in part, because "this year specifically was tough to start a new relationship with everything going on in the world."
"Then throw in social media and all the attention the show brings, and it put a lot of pressure on their relationship," the source added. "There were things with how Clare acted about certain issues that Dale couldn’t accept anymore, the damage was unrepairable. It got to be an unhealthy environment, which was affecting both Dale and his family in a way that he didn’t like."