The pair announced the end of their relationship in June.
Nayte Olukoya is sharing details about his split from Michelle Young. On the latest episode of The Viall Files podcast, the Bachelorette alum revealed that he ended things with the former teacher over the phone after "a bad weekend" together.
"I broke up with her over the phone. You don't want to break up with someone, especially your fiancée, over the phone," Nayte acknowledged. "... It was her birthday weekend. We're all here in L.A. because her and I got invited to this Wango Tango event. At the beginning of the weekend, things were kind of rocky. It got even more rocky. Wango Tango happened. Her and I got into an argument right before doing all those press interviews and whatnot."
From there, Nayte claimed, "it was such a build-up" to their eventual split.
"Long story short, the weekend was not a good weekend. Her and I are up late having very deep conversations. I think the day before I was having very deep conversations with her friends too, because her friends weren't having a good time either. It was just a bad weekend for everybody," he said. "... The last day in L.A., the conversation was kind of heading already towards a breakup. It wasn't our first time having breakup conversations. It was probably our third time having a breakup conversation."
The first of those conversations, Nayte said, happened in early January, just days after their engagement played out on TV.
"It started off so great and then somewhere we just stopped clicking. The communication broke down. I think the world of Michelle, obviously. She's phenomenal," he said. "... It was like, 'Wait, what's going on right now?' I fell in love with this woman. I'm not saying that she changed into this terrible person, it just wasn't the same super quick. Really quickly after everything was said and done, after the engagement, after we started going into the everyday motion of lives... things just started to shift."
"January 1st was our first really big fight and then the very next day was another really big fight. I was so freaked out," Nayte continued. "... I was up until 6 a.m. crying on the phone with [Bachelorette alum] Rodney [Mathews], because I was like, 'Dude, what's going on right now?'"
At that point, Nayte "had the first conversation" with Michelle about their future.
"I was supposed to move to Minnesota... and that's why I didn't move with her... I was like, 'I want to figure this out before I move to Minnesota. Let's put the moving conversation on hold for now while we figure out this relationship and this compatibility. We have only known each other for a few months and here we are engaged. I do want to live with you, I do want everything with you, but we really need to focus on the relationship,'" Nayte said. "... That's why I didn't move in March, because of the conversation that I had with her in early January."
From then on out, Nayte said, there were some "amazing moments," but things stayed largely "rocky." That was never more true than when Nayte stayed in Minnesota with Michelle for a month and they "nearly broke up."
"Our relationship was tough," he said. "There were lots of ups and downs, lots of arguments, lots of fights, just not really clicking, not really seeing eye to eye."
So, when that weekend in June went downhill, breaking up wasn't a new thought, Nayte said.
"If Michelle felt blindsided, I can't take that away from her, but I know the reality of it is, this wasn't our first time talking about a breakup," he said. "The day I left L.A. after her birthday weekend, it was kind of already being said without being said, and again, it wasn't our first time having a breakup conversation, this is our third time nearly breaking up."
Nayte recalled feeling "so lost, so confused," as he left Los Angeles, and even shared that he called his mom in tears from the airport.
"The very next weekend was CMAs. I remember we were talking to each other and I was like, 'I don't feel comfortable going to CMAs.' Because something happened before Wango Tango and I was like, 'I'm not doing this,'" Nayte said of his mindset at the time. "... So I land in Austin, by the time I land she's still in the air. I call my mom again, I'm crying on the phone with my mom. I call friends, family, whatever. I'm like, 'I don't see the relationship working anymore.'"
"I was frustrated as hell, crying on the phone with my mom, and Michelle calls me. I thought she had just got home, but she was still in the airport, unfortunately, because that makes this story even worse," he continued. "She's like, 'Hey, if we're not doing CMAs next week we have to give them a reason why.' And I just blurted out, 'We're not doing CMAs because I can't be with you anymore.' So yeah, I broke up with her over the phone, which is a d**k move."
Actually cutting off contact took nearly a week, Nayte said.
"Lots of late-night conversations, texting phone calls, FaceTimes, things like that," he said. "It got messy. The post-breakup got messy. Communication between Michelle and I ended mid-July... Breakups suck... It was hard, but it was the right thing to do."
As for the reasons for the split, Nayte cited the fact that they're "two different people from two completely different worlds," said that insecurity played a role, and added that "this pressure to always be perfect" was also to blame.
"Michelle and I, the beginning of that relationship, was probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. We had so much fun," he said. "... I miss the Michelle I fell in love with for sure... I'm not sure I miss the Michelle I broke up with."
At the time of their split, Michelle, addressing Nayte, wrote, "You quickly became my best friend and the love I have for you in incredibly strong," before adding that she's "deeply hurting and will need time and space to work through this heartache."
"Hearts are heavy, emotions are high and we are dealing with the best way we can," Nayte wrote in his post at the time. "... We genuinely fell in love, and we genuinely became each other's best friends. Michelle and I will always cheer each other on, but moving forward, we will be cheering from a distance."
Shortly thereafter, in a post to his Instagram Story, Nayte denied that he cheated in the relationship. He also wrote that he's "a decent guy" and added that the "negativity and blatant hate" surrounding him amid the split has been "hurtful." It's a situation he discussed on the podcast too.
"Sure, you guys can think I'm a f**k boy, or my appearance is a f**k boy, but then get to know me and then it's just not the case... That lifestyle is insane to me... I'm a relationship guy. I've had two serious relationships," Nayte told host Nick Viall. "... I don't like the whole lifestyle of bouncing from person to person to person, I'd rather just have my person."
Initially, Nayte thought that person was Michelle, as he was "head over heels" for her.
"I just remember thinking, 'I can see it. I could see it. Let's take the jump. I'm ready. Let's spend the rest of our lives together... This is something that I can definitely see and feel and I've never felt the feelings that I've felt. This is something that's 1,000 percent going to last,'" he said. "... Those feelings never really popped up [in past relationships], and with Michelle they popped up so easily."
"This is not something that I foresaw, and I’ll leave it there... It's definitely not something that I planned to have to work through this summer," she said at the time. "But I definitely have the understanding that sometimes we have to work through things that we did not plan for that were not in our life plans."
As for how she was doing in the wake of the split, Michelle admitted "it's been hard."
"It’s been very emotional and there’s been a lot of waves of things," she said. "But to have family and friends who go on those waves with you and are willing to take on those waves with you, has been just incredible."