Bibbidi bobbidi boo, here’s a newsflash for you: Being the belle of the ball isn’t the best gig in the land. Not when you can be the wicked stepmother instead. Disney's latest take on Cinderella hits theaters today with Cate Blanchett proving once and for all why it’s better to be bad.
1. Wicked Stepmothers Get Things Done: Lady Tremaine (as she’s most often called, though her name changes from Cinderella to Cinderella) doesn’t need a fairy godmother to make her dreams come true. She makes things happen herself. Now without a fairy godmother, Cinderella would still be crying and sweeping the kitchen. No goals, no self-motivation.
2. Wicked Stepmothers Don’t Need a Man: Literally, her husband is dead. And she seems pretty OK with that. Because who needs a husband getting in the way of your power play? Plus, as most versions of the tale have it, she was already rich before marrying Cinderella’s dad. So if anyone was a gold digger...
3. Wicked Stepmothers Have Great Fashion All the Time: Cinderella gets to wear a nice dress one night of her life -- and a bunch of mice and birds made it. Lady Tremaine’s closet is stacked with beautiful gowns by the chicest (human) designers in the land, probably. Certainly, her shoes are more practical.
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4. Wicked Stepmothers Always Get Invited to the Ball: Cinderella got invited to the ball on a technicality. It’s safe to assume this isn’t Lady Tremaine’s first time scoring an invite to the palace. She definitely doesn’t need a desperate prince searching for a bride to make the guest list.
5. Wicked Stepmothers Have Minions to Do Their Bidding: Enter the evil stepsisters. Sure, they might be dim, but isn’t it better to have a couple brainless daughters that never ask questions and just do what you want? Things get done quicker that way.
6. And Wicked Stepmothers Have an Equally Wicked Cat: To pet in a wicked fashion. And honestly, is there any pet that’s more intimidating? Certainly not Cinderella’s dopey dog or mice like Jaq and Gus. A wicked stepmother wouldn’t stand for it.
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7. Wicked Stepmothers are Smart: So the Prince is searching every home in the land to find his mystery woman? Lock that b*tch in the attic. That’s Evil Stepmomming 101. Lady Tremaine is many things -- vindictive, scheming, utterly heartless, and we mean that as a compliment -- but stupid is not one of them.
8. Wicked Stepmothers Get the Best Quippy One-Liners: Cinderella is just so earnest -- all that nonsense about a dream being a wish your heart makes when you're asleep. How devastatingly basic. Evil Stepmothers practically invented shade, and every sentence that comes out of their mouth is dripping in delicious disdain.
9. And Wicked Stepmothers Get to Be Wicked: Isn’t that more fun?
Granted, this is all before Cinderella becomes queen. But a wicked stepmother is certainly scheming enough to apologize and get back on Cinderella's good side. And Cinderella is dumb enough to buy it.
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