Country superstar Carrie Underwood gets surprisingly candid about her non "mushy" personality in her Marie ClaireJune cover interview, in which she admits she's isn't exactly the warmest star.
"I'm not a mushy person at all. We were never a huggy family. Or a 'let's talk it out' family. Technically I have siblings but they are quite a bit older than me – I was the accident – so I have the only-child syndrome going on," she admits. "I'm a little more selfish, a little more independent, a little closed. I do wish I were softer. I wish I were able to form relationships better. But hey, I mean…I'm not a sociopath."
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Underwood also reveals that performing in front of crowds used to give her serious panic attacks.
"At the beginning of my career, I used to have panic attacks. People were touching me, screaming – it made me really nervous. In public, I just get nervous. It's a physical reaction, feeling like the walls are closing in," she says. "The fans are great. It's not their fault. I don’t ever want to come across as ungrateful. But on my end, it is hard for me to process. Because I am still just me."
But since as far back as high school, the 30-year-old American Idol champ always knew she was destined for a charmed life.
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"You were supposed to say what you would be doing in 10 years, and I said, 'I will be rich, famous, and married to a hot guy,'" says Underwood, who is married to hockey star Mike Fisher, about what she wrote in her high school yearbook. "I guess I should have added a few more things."
And are children a part of this list?
Definitely not right now.
"I don't feel old enough to have kids," she says. "I know I am mature. But being responsible for another human?"
Marie Claire's June issue hits news stands May 21st.