Amy Poehler Lets Fans Ask Her Anything Then Gives Them the Most Adorable Answers
By John Boone
We need Amy Poehler to release a book every week (we know that sounds impossible, but we don’t need a full memoir every time. We’ll take a picture book, a pamphlet, whatever she has time to write). Because a new book equals another press tour equals ADORABLE AMY OVERLOAD.
Her latest stop of amazing Amyness was a Reddit AMAA (Ask Me Almost Anything). Below, we have organized her best, most Amy-tacular answers into four easy-to-read categories. Read all her responses with a wink, a smile, and that Amy Poehler giggle. Enjoy.
What pickup line is guaranteed to work on you every time? “’Are you tired? You should leave this party and go to sleep.’ Oh, you're right! Thanks! Bye!”
If you were a Game of Thrones character who would you end up sleeping with and how would you end up dying? “HAHAHA! If I was a character, I would sleep with everyone, but let's be real, the Dothraki are where it's at. And I would never die! I would just do some kind of weird, you know, witch thing that couldn't be killed!”
If you were to appear on Comedy Central's Drunk History, what historical person would you talk about? “Oh, I guess, I feel I don't know anyone's history well enough, but I would pick... maybe a suffragette who liked to party?”
HI AMY, I have to say I absolutely love you and have been waiting for this ama all day. My question to you is, is there a chance we'll get to see you on the big screen anytime soon? “We just finished a movie called The Nest that is coming out next year! And I'm also doing a voice in the new Pixar movie Inside Out which is coming out in June, and it's a great film, can't wait for people to see it. And catch me as a dungeonmaster in 50 Shades of Grey! You can't tell it's me cuz I'm wearing a mask!”
Hello Amy, I love your work! If you had to, which would you choose, a necklace made of grapes or onion shoes? Have a wonderful day! “Haha! A necklace made out of grapes or shoes made out of onions? Oh, I'm gonna have to go with the grapes. Is this some kind of personality test to find out if I'm a sociopath? Who would pick shoes made out of onions? Somebody who's angry at their mom.”
What is your personal theme song? “Hahaha. Um... hahaha... maybe... ‘Jump’ by Van Halen. HAHA!”
What's your favorite animal? “Uh... polar bear, of COURSE! Hahah!”
Things Amy Says That Make Us Say “Haha”
What everyone is actually wondering is... when is your rap album dropping out? ;) “Thank you for asking. :coughs: It already dropped. And by ‘dropped’ I mean ‘the label dropped it and somebody needs to pick it up and make it.’ But I got a lot of underground cassette tapes floating around. And any artist will tell you that's where the real shit is.”
Is there a celebrity or public figure that you have a borderline obsession with like Leslie has for Joe Biden?Someone that would cause you to legitimately freak out, if you ever met them in person. “Um... I kind of - I met Tilda Swinton a few years ago, and I grabbed her a little too tightly. There's lots of people who I am very excited to meet, and they are often not famous. But as far as - yeah. Let's say Tilda Swinton was an exciting one, I'm a big fan of hers. And I still get excited by meeting a lot of people.”
Why haven't you played Batman yet? “Cuz I don't want to win ALL the awards, it would be unfair!”
What We Talk About When We Talk About Parks and Recreation
Who is most like and who is least like their character on P & R off screen? (including yourself and people no longer on the show) “Ah! Well, uh, let's see. I think there's a little bit of everybody in their characters, but we aren't all annoyed by Jim O'Hare. So when the character of Jerry comes around, we all can't wait for him to get out of there, but when Jim goes around, we only want him to stay. But Joan Calamezzo, the character, is based on Moe Collin's life. JUST KIDDING!!!”
Roughly how many clones of you do you think it would take to beat 1 Nick Offerman in a fist fight? “First of all, this person assumes that I would fight Nick Offerman in a physical way. They are wrong. I would destroy him mentally. I would get into that complex, wood-covered mind of his, and rip him to Shreds. And if this is Nick Offerman - nice try, buddy! I'm coming for you!”
Hi Amy, love your work! Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized Aziz Ansaris or 1 Aziz Ansari-sized duck? “Now... one would think that it's Aziz Ansari typing this. But I'm smart enough to know it's Nick Offerman, who is trying to come at me, through this message. Haha, Nick. Good one. I'll see you on the battlefield, where i will destroy you with my mental acuity. Until then, to all those on the internet I say, Live long and prosper!”
Amy, How do you treat yo self? “Fine leather goods.”
First, of all I'm a massive fan, you're the funniest person on earth. Your appearance(s) on Comedy Bang Bang's freestyle rap contests are things of incredible notoriety, in a good way. How do you feel freestyle rapping has shaped your career overall? Also, is working with Adam Scott as incredible as it sounds? “HAHAHA! Well, you know, look - do I think I'm the best in the game? No. But do I think I'm one of the best? Absolutely. Do I consider myself better than Nas? Totally. Am I a better MC than Jay-Z? We.Shall.See. At the end of the day, I'm just... trying to keep it real. From the heart, and spit like a master. Yes, Adam Scott is a great actor, he's a great kisser, has a GREAT head of hair, and if this is Adam Scott - I'm onto you, stop fishing for compliments!”
Hi Amy, my girlfriend teaches and Reddit is blocked at her school, but she wanted me to ask you: Does your love for Harry Potter mirror Leslie's? Does Adam Scott smell as good as I think he smells? “1) Ha! Well, in very exciting news, there was a moment of time where Daniel Radcliffe and I were in the same building. And I am a HUGE fan of his work, and I think he's an awesome actor. That being said, unlike Leslie, I have never read the books! I have 2 young sons and I am looking forward to doing that with them soon. 2) Adam Scott smells like... lemons and possibility. Future and peppermint. Loyalty and vanilla ice cream.”
And then this wonderful (not really) question and response that doesn’t really fit into any category, but is so wonderful, and sweet, and Amy Poehler-y that we must include it:
I feel stupid writing this, but here we go. I'm at work so I had to sneak into the bathroom to write this. It isn't really a question, I guess, but I had to reach out someway (and as far as I know you don't use any social media). I had to say thank you. I was very depressed this past winter. Stuck in a small town full of idiots, no idea where I wanted my life to go and more than anything just feeling alone and like a failure. Then I discovered Parks and Rec. You, the the cast and writers, fully turned my year around--maybe my life. I still live in this crummy town, and I still feel lonely sometimes, but I don't feel hopeless. I value what I have and have learned to look for opportunity and take chances. The laughs and tears (not just from the laughing, corny enough as that is to admit) have had a profound effect on me and I couldn't be more thankful. I wish the show could go on for forever, but it can't so I'll instead fill that void by introducing friends to what I view as the greatest tv comedy ever. And just since this is an ama, I'll just ask what your favorite kind of waffles are? :P
“Okay, who cares about waffles? What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing that with me. That was really nice. and you sound like the kind of person that will find a lot of love and happiness in your life. Because you're not afraid to be vulnerable, and you've gotten stronger in tough times. I love the image of you huddled in the bathroom. We've all been there. I can't wait to see - I wish I could see what happens in the next 10 years. I can tell you're a special person with lots of good things ahead.
WE LOVE YOU, AMY POEHLER.
At the end, she concludes, “To everyone I didn't get to answer, I appreciate your support, taking the time to connect with me, and on behalf of myself, I say to the internet: Live Long and Prosper. Battlestations at the ready. Don't believe the hype. And surfboardt.”
And just because, check out a history of Amy and Tina Fey’s friendship: