We Need a 'Sports Illustrated' Swimsuit Edition With Male Models
By John Boone
It’s that time of year again: When you can’t go to the supermarket or pass any news stand without being ambushed by the boobies of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition’s cover girl. This year, that girl is Hannah Davis. (It’s worth mentioning the 2015 edition features S.I.’s first plus sized model -- in an ad, but a plus sized model nonetheless).
How did Sports Illustrated -- a magazine heavy on sports and light on illustrations -- end up running a Victoria’s Secret spread every year? An editor in 1964 thought it would be a good place filler in the winter months when sport news is relatively slow. Instead, they recruited a bunch of super models to advertise bikinis.
THIS ISN’T ADVERTISING A SWIMSUIT. SHE ISN’T EVEN WEARING ONE.
Occasionally the magazine will include female athletes amongst its swimsuit models -- the most likely way for female athletes to get an S.I. cover. In 2014, women appeared on only seven covers (one was the swimsuit edition, three were variants of the same issue, one was a female athlete in a crowd shot, and one featured two cheerleaders rooting on a male athlete).
Women watch sports. And, while we don’t have data in front of us, we assume some of those women read Sports Illustrated too. Women who aren’t trying to buy a crotched bikini.
HELLO. It’s 2015! Let’s get a banana hammock on that cover.
It’s only fair, isn’t it? If male readers get an issue full of nearly naked swimsuit models, the sports-loving ladies and gays should get something too. We don’t want to say it’s sexist, but IT’S SEXIST.
The Swimsuit Edition should be an equal opportunity place to “advertise” ridiculous swimsuits...
In ridiculous poses:
We don’t need another whole issue devoted to Speedos, but for every time Chrissy Teigen has to pretend she and her girlfriends ALWAYS hug each other topless at the beach, it’s so natural, included two men posing together semi-erotically:
Look at this guy’s booty tooch! He was born to be in the Swimsuit Edition!
And if you want to “butch it up,” because of course S.I. will want to “butch it up,” just make it sports themed. It’s a sports magazine after all. It would be ridiculous to just have people in swimsuits in the issue, right?