11 Ways Harry Potter Would Be Cooler if He Were More Like Daniel Radcliffe

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You’re not a wizard, Daniel Radcliffe! You are a birthday boy though!

He shouldn't fret about the former, as we don't think he'd necessarily be cooler if he could cast spells. In fact, off the top of our heads, we can think of at least 11 ways that Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, would be cooler if he were more like DanRad. (P.S. Thursday is Radcliffe's 26th birthday! HBD, DanRad!)

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1. Harry Potter didn’t know the lyrics to any of Eminem’s songs.

He probably didn’t even know the words to “My Name Is,” and literally *everyone* knows the words to “My Name Is.”

2. And probably wasn’t even the best rapper at Hogwarts.

You know Crabbe was winning those freestyle Fridays.

3. Harry Potter never hung out with someone from Westeros.

4. And he’s was too busy with Quidditch to ever meet Tom Brady:

Did Gisele Bündchen -- or any supermodel -- ever call Harry cute? Nah, dawg.

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5. We don’t even know if Harry Potter was that good at ping-pong!

6. Harry Potter never got naked with a horse.

Maybe for the best, but hey. Daniel Radcliffe has a fun party anecdote.

7. And he didn’t walk Fluffy or any other mythical creatures using a belt.


8. Harry Potter never developed elaborate schemes to thwart paparazzi.


Because he had an invisibility cloak, but still.

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9. Harry Potter doesn’t grow up to be Jon Hamm.


Harry Potter grows up to be Harry Potter with some old people make-up on. (If this one doesn’t make sense to you, go watch A Young Doctor's Notebook.)

10. Harry Potter doesn’t even know S&M.

11. And Harry Potter was never a badass, outspoken feminist.

He was probably a feminist though, right? But not like Daniel Radcliffe.

Now, find out why Radcliffe got really stressed out over hair extensions:

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