"Yes, it's now possible for everyone to achieve the exact same, one-of-a-kind, curated lifestyle by buying in from a celebrity," Colbert joked. "With all these lifestyle brands, you finally get to know your favorite celebs from the comfort of their own homepages."
In his spoof promotional video for Covetton House, the late-night host quipped, "Treat you to some of me. In fact, I envy you. Because unlike you, I never had a me to tell me what I liked."
The witty tips include "Get good at telling people what to do." Goop suggests that "evergreen beauty content" is "SEO gold."
"Take, for example, achieving the perfectly imperfect man bun -- subject line: The Panty Dropper of Hairstyles -- which you can easily stretch into a six-part slideshow (six times the pageviews!), complete with product integration," the site reads.
Goop also recommends calling attention to an "artisan wellness cocktail" when finding "legitimacy by latching on to obscure trends." They argue that the cocktail recipe should be "passed down through generations of Vermont farmers, only to be resurrected in the alleys of Bushwick by two brothers who hand-craft every batch from meticulously sourced ginger, organic apple cider vinegar (raw, of course), and the highest-grade maple syrup."
Lastly, they convey that those looking to create a men's lifestyle brand should "embrace your babymaker."
"Everyone goes WILD for content about genitals, so we suggest you get ahead of the curve and write about a growing craze among men, anal bleaching," Goop recommends. "Colbert, we think this is one that will really hit home for you, both personally and professionally."