Remember when you had to watch the Super Bowl to see the Super Bowl commercials?
Not in the Golden -- or whatever -- Age of the Internet. Companies spent last week dropping their Big Game spots, showing off which stars they got to smile and hold their products (Amy Schumer! Drake! Willem Dafoe!) and hoping to clinch an early viral victory. Anyway, we’ve taken the time to rank them, from worst to best.
Enjoy! (Mostly because there's no Dead Nationwide Kid situation this year!)
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23. Budweiser's "#NotBackingDown":
We were rooting for you! We were all rooting for you! How dare you! Budweiser always delivers when it comes to Super Bowl commercials -- last year's, where the puppy and the horse were best friends, made us cry! -- so, what is this? We barely get any Clydesdales, instead it's all rock bands and people who hate lemons?! Learn something from this!
22. Amazon Echo's "Cheese Footballs," Starring Alec Baldwin
Maybe we just don't...get it? We love Alec Baldwin. He's very persuasive in those Capital One Venture Card commercials. We love cheese. It's one of our favorite food groups. Aren't we all over Deflategate by now, though?
21. LG's "Man From the Future," Starring Liam Neeson
This seems like the trailer for a Liam Neeson movie we wouldn't understand.
20. Hyundai's "First Date," Starring Kevin Hart
This seems like the trailer for a Kevin Hart movie we wouldn't want to see.
19. Skittles' "The Portrait," Starring Steven Tyler
There must be a dozen more effective ways to use the Aerosmith frontman in your commercial. Sadly, Skittles apparently couldn't think of any, so they just banked on Tyler being wacky and wonderful. He is, the ad is not.
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18. Mountain Dew's "Puppymonkeybaby"
NIGHTMARES FOREVER. That said, it is memorable.
17. Pepsi's "Joy of Pepsi," Starring Janelle Monáe
We love Janelle Monáe. We're so happy she was chosen to star in a Super Bowl commercial. Our main beef is with Pepsi, because this ad mostly just made us think of Britney Spears' far superior "Pepsi Generation" version. Janelle Monáe didn't even get to ride a surfboard!
16. Kia Optima's "Walken Closet," Starring Christopher Walken
It's a weird pun that turned into a weirder commercial, with an awful lot of talk about socks…
15. Honda's "A New Truck to Love"
It's a weird concept that actually turned into a cute commercial. We're not sure what features of that truck we're supposed to be impressed by, but those sheep kind of sound like the band, Fun.
14. Avocados From Mexico's "#AvosInSpace," Starring Scott Baio
The jokes are pretty on par in this Avocados From Mexico spot -- who knew Avocados From Mexico was advertising during the Big Game? Good for you, Avocados From Mexico -- until the alien tour guide asks, "Anybody want to feed Scott Baio? It's included in the price of admission." That's when we lost it.
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13. Apartments.com's "Moving Day," Starring Jeff Goldblum
The website -- which we assume does something with apartments -- went the everything-and-the-kitchen-sink route, including noted salesman Jeff Goldblum, a George Washington impersonator, the real-life Lil' Wayne, and a gospel choir. Why not?
12. Squarespace's "Real Talk With Key and Peele"
Is it the best bit Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele have ever done? No, but the comedians are so endlessly charming that it works nonetheless.
11. Mini Cooper's "#DefyLabels," Starring Serena Williams
Super Bowl commercials tend to feature movie stars, but this is a sporting event, after all. And if you're going to go with an athlete, you might as well go with the best tennis player in the world. Soccer player Abby Wambach, skateboarder Tony Hawk, and Harvey Keitel and T-Pain -- for good measure -- also star in this simple but effective spot.
10. Audi R8's "Commander"
Would it have cracked the Top 10 without using one of our favorite David Bowie songs? Probably not, but that's advertising for you.
9. T-Mobile's "Restricted Bling," Starring Drake
Looking back, this seemed inevitable. Drizzy repurposed his viral "Hotline Bling" music video into a cell phone commercial. It's peak Drake corniness -- which we mean as a compliment -- and the best part is it marks the return of the turtleneck and Timbs!
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8. Snickers' "Marilyn," Starring Willem Dafoe
You know what you're going to get with one of Snickers' "You're not you when you're hungry" ads. But never in a million years did we ever expect to see two-time Academy Award nominee Willem Dafoe shilling candy bars dressed as Marilyn Monroe.
7. Shock Top's "Unfiltered Talk," Starring T.J. Miller
If you don't know T.J. Miller yet -- star of Silicon Valley, scene-stealer in the upcoming Deadpool -- this beer commercial acts as a good introduction. It's a minute and a half of the comedian swapping disses with a tap handle -- and we wish it were longer.
6. HEINZ Ketchup's "Wiener Stampede"
We're pretty sure HEINZ's latest ad campaign meeting took place in our dreams, because there is nothing we have ever wanted more in life than a pack of wiener dogs dressed in little hot dog costumes.
5. Budweiser's "#GiveADamn," Starring Helen Mirren
Budweiser's superior commercial doubles as an anti-drunk driving PSA. Which might seem like a bummer -- albeit an important bummer -- but not when you're being lectured by "a notorious frank and uncensored British lady."
4. The NFL's "Super Bowl Babies Choir"
"Data suggests nine months after a Super Bowl victory, winning cities see a rise in births. They're called Super Bowl Babies," the NFL explains. Then they rounded up various generations of Super Bowl Babies and had them sing a Seal song! And the little kids got so into it! And there’s a cameo by Seal himself!
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3. Hyundai's "Ryanville," Starring Ryan Reynolds
We've said it before, but it bears repeating: What this commercial makes up for in the lack of quality Ryan Reynolds shirtlessness, it makes up for in Ryan Reynolds quantity. If one of those Ryan Reynolds had disrobed, this probably would have at least taken the No. 2 spot.
2. Pantene's "Dad-Do"
Sorry, wiener dogs and kids' choirs, welcome to the most adorable ad of 2016: Pantene enlisted the "toughest dads in the NFL" to do their daughter's hair. In the end, we're not sure who is sweeter, the little girls or their cute daddies. Tie! We all win!
1. "The Bud Light Party," Starring Amy Schumer and Seth Rogen
Move over, Budweiser. Bud Light had it in the bag this year. The company was smart enough to enlist Amy and Seth to turn caucus into the dirtiest innuendo of the night, and then they went and threw in Michael Peña and Paul Rudd? Everybody DOES love Paul Rudd!
Plus, ET broke it down with ET and NFL host Kevin Frazier to provide the casual football fan with everything they need to know before Super Bowl 50: