He added, "You can come at it very aggressively and blame and blame. Or you can put yourself in the garage, so to speak. Take yourself apart and clean off the bits. Reassemble."
After his split, Martin says he immersed himself in literature and read Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, and Rumi's poem, The Guest House. "That one Rumi poem changes everything. It says that even when you're unhappy, it's good for you," he said. "It took me a year to get it. A year of depression and all that."
The 39-year-old musician adds that he doesn't see his marriage as a failure. "It's always out there in the media, but I have a very wonderful separation-divorce. It's a divorce but it's a weird one," he said. "It's funny. I don't think about that word very often - divorce. I don't see it that way. I see it more like you meet someone, you have some time together and things just move through. ...I've lived a lot of life since then."
Paltrow seems to agree with her ex. The 43-year-old Iron Man actress expressed to ET the importance of being on good terms with Martin as they co-parent their two children, daughter Apple and son Moses. "You have to constantly let go," she said. "You have to let go of old ideas, old resentments. You have to put the kids first, which I think people have the idea of that, but then oftentimes, you struggle with it."
Paltrow also thinks it's good to focus on the big picture. "If you once loved the person enough to have kids with them, you have to focus on what you still love about them and what's beautiful about them and all the good aspects of your relationship," she said. "You still want a family, you're just not in a couple. So, I acknowledge we've done it in an unorthodox way but it's working for us."